Even if you have a fantastic husband or partner, for biological, anatomical and emotional reasons, a mother tends to have more of the childcare responsibilities fall her way. So, if you also are working outside of the home, getting overwhelmed and feeling like you are working “double shifts” is easy. Here are a few ways to maintain your sanity while working outside the home by day and inside the home by night:
Learn to laugh.
You WILL go to work with boogers on your shoulder, slobber in your hair and marshmallow cereal stuck to the back of your blazer. You will be dressed and heading out the door, ready to load your baby in the car seat when you start to feel some wetness leaking out of his diaper onto your freshly dry cleaned pants. My personal favorite is the painfully awkward moments with your co-workers when you are cleaning the parts to your breast pump in the company lunchroom or have to explain that you need a couple of 17-minute “breaks” to attend to your motherly duties. It may not be funny to you now, but eventually you will look back at this time in your life and laugh. Just roll with it, smile and try to keep a long-term perspective!
Remember Murphy’s Law (anything that can go wrong, will go wrong).
When you are a parent, Murphy is basically a member of the family. You will go to work with mismatched earrings (if you remember to wear any jewelry at all), forget to put on deodorant or a belt, or realize you only put mascara on one eye. You will double check that all household members brush their teeth, but then forget to brush your own. Your child will only vomit at inopportune times: in the car, on an airplane or in crowded shopping centers. Your youngster will get an unexplained rash or contract a severe stomach bug and need to be quarantined on the day of your big presentation, meeting, etc.
I find it best to be on the defense at all times. Make sure that your coworkers can access the things you are working on, make sure you know how to contact your office manager after (or before) hours if necessary and ALWAYS have a spare. At work I keep a spare toothbrush, perfume, deodorant, stain stick, lipstick and plenty of snacks. Also, keep some form of a napkin/wipe within arm’s reach at all times.
Be mindful of your finances.
Money and financial matters are always in the top three topics that couples fight about. Adding an extra person (or people) to the family can drastically change your financial picture and introduce some new challenges to the budget. It is easy to get caught up in the daily routine of work, kids, email, dinner, dishes, bedtime—lather, rinse, repeat—and lose track of our financial lives. Do a simple check-in every six months to stay on track. Take stock of where you are—make a list of all of your assets (bank accounts, investments, retirement plans, property) and all of your debts (mortgage, student loans, car loans, etc.). Hopefully, the net value of the assets minus the liabilities equals a positive number that gets larger every time you do this exercise. If not, you may have a problem on your hands. Set some goals and make a plan to reach those goals. Maybe it’s getting that pesky car loan paid off, buying bedroom furniture or being able to take that European anniversary trip next summer. Whatever it is, figure out the total cost and break it down into a monthly payment (or payoff) plan.
Exercise.
I am a firm believer that exercise makes you a better person. When you exercise, you have more patience, capacity and focus and are in an all-around better mood. When I don’t exercise, it shows—I can become irritable and downright hostile. Squeeze in some exercise whenever you can. Even if it is just a walk around the block, a sprint up the stairs or some push-ups under your desk, it will help. Several DVDs now offer 30-, 20- and even 10-minute workout sessions you can follow along with. Get a pedometer and challenge yourself to reach 10,000 steps a day. Remember the saying “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”? This is absolutely true. Do yourself and your family a favor on this one!
Give yourself a break.
When you are a working mom, you tend to feel like you are mediocre at everything. You are always trying to keep multiple balls in the air and plates spinning, so you feel like nothing you do gets 100 percent of your focus. There will always be something to feel guilty about—not spending enough time with your family, not spending enough time with your clients or not doing enough networking. Just do the best you can. No one can do it all (at once).
Embrace dry shampoo.
It is just not reasonable, feasible or necessary to wash your hair every morning. Save yourself the extra 15 minutes and sleep in, get some more snuggles or playtime before you leave for work, read the newspaper or whatever floats your boat. Trust me on this one.
Jamie Bosse, CFP®, RFC is a Financial Planner at KHC Wealth Management. Jamie loves to write, travel, BBQ, watch the K- State Wildcats win football games, and spend time with her husband, son and pet corgi.