The sparks and fireworks of marriage often come to a halt once children come into the picture. Newlywed snuggle time and the little kisses and hugs that once took place off and on throughout the day suddenly take a backseat to a new life of nursing newborns, chasing after toddlers and running tots to soccer games, dance and other activities. Romantic life as we once knew it often fizzles out. Many of us become more reserved about displaying our affection in front of the children, too. After all, isn’t it inappropriate for them to see? Experts say no. A healthy display of affection is actually good for everyone in the house.
Displaying affection outwardly shows our children what a loving relationship looks like, and home is the best place for them to learn this. Children who watch TV probably have seen what an unhealthy relationship looks like. Showing affection openly with your spouse gives youngsters a much better example of the care and respect they should expect. And although they may think it’s gross when they see you and your spouse kiss, deep down, it makes them feel more secure. When Mom and Dad are happy together, it creates a happier family.
“I believe showing affection in front of your children is important because it shows empathy and sensitivity. Plus, you are sharing what love is about,” says Independence mom Vickylyn Acuna. “My husband and I are affectionate by hugging each other, kissing each other, and we are constantly rubbing each other’s backs or arms. We also sit next to each other and cuddle when watching television or movies.”
If it’s been a while since you’ve hugged or kissed your spouse in front of your children, try taking baby steps into openly showing more loving affection around the house. Here are some suggestions that might help you feel more comfortable:
- Hold hands more. Whether you’re walking through a store, watching a movie or driving in the car, let your children see that Mom and Dad love and care for one another.
- Give spontaneous kisses and hugs. Surprise your significant other with G-rated kisses and big bear hugs when he/she is least expecting it. (Remember that family is still a social setting, so use common sense. Remember social rules and boundaries and keep the sexy stuff for the bedroom.)
- Tell your spouse, “I love you,” in front of the children.
- Do nice things for each other. Leave little love notes on the bathroom mirror, prepare your significant other’s favorite meal or give him/her a shoulder massage after work. PDAs can take many forms! This will show your children how loving people take care of each other.
- Be playful together. Laugh together. Play games and be silly.
- Make eye contact with each other when talking. Children need to see this, especially in today’s technology-driven world.
- According to the experts, children’s seeing happy parents together breeds emotional health. They may pick up things from social media and movies, but the most important lessons come from the parents. Children need good role models because it’s through modeling they learn how to think and behave. Ultimately, we want our children to know how to express and receive affection in healthy ways. When children grow up in a loving home, they will naturally be drawn to a life partner who also holds these familiar qualities.
“Our kids don’t think it’s gross or weird at all when my husband and I show affection. I think it’s because we have always shown this affection since they were little; they grew up around it from the start,” Acuna says. “It’s also another way we express how we feel without using words. We have a son who doesn’t express himself verbally, but does so through affection instead.”
Kansas City mom and author Gina Klein and her husband always show affection in fun and loving ways around their home and daughters: hugs, kisses, sweet notes and being silly together. It’s important!