"I wonder: What should I share about the news with my kids? When should I shield them from what’s going on in the world?These are not simple questions…"
Suddenly, I come across a picture of a traffic accident. My daughter isn’t paying attention—at least that’s what I think—but then she turns to me.
"What happened?" she asks.
I share an edited version of the story and tell her that a few cars hit each other. I try to be calm.
"That’s scary," she tells me. "Did people get hurt?"
That’s hard to tell from the picture but clear from the story. "Yes, I tell her. Doctors are helping them."
Moments later, my daughter loses interest. She returns to drawing. I turn the page.
This experience raises questions for me. I feel like my daughter may have seen too much here and I’ve got to be more careful. Still, I wonder: What should I share about the news with my kids? When should I shield them from what’s going on in the world?
These are not simple questions, especially in the post-Sept. 11 era. The most telling story here for me is found in the interactions my wife and I have with our daughter. We try to answer her questions honestly while knowing it’s our job to frequently serve as editors of the information she receives.
Steven Marans, who wrote the book Listening to Fear: Helping Kids Cope, from Nightmares to the Nightly News, says parents should focus less on what they think and more on what their children think.
"In terms of seeing something accidentally on TV or in a newspaper, there may be times children see images we wish they hadn’t seen," says Marans, an associate professor of psychiatry at the Yale University School of Medicine and director of the National Center for Children Exposed to Violence. "That’s the time we want to listen to young children and find out what questions they have rather than focus on our own preoccupations about a subject."
I do encourage my daughter to ask questions and find she’s often reassured when I can explain a story in terms she can understand.
Still, there are some stories I can’t easily explain—such as stories about the war in Iraq or Hurricane Katrina. Fortunately, there is information out there to help parents talk to their kids about these subjects, including resources on the topic published by the National Center for Children Exposed to Violence.
This morning I am reading a story about the war on CNN’s Web site. The story includes a photo of people who appear to have been hurt, though it’s hard to tell exactly what’s going on. My daughter approaches me. She wants to play a computer game—but not before she asks me about the story on the computer screen.
I make a quick judgment. I tell her people have been fighting. I tell her some people got hurt. The image in front of me does not appear to upset my daughter—yet—but after a few seconds I feel she’s seen enough anyway. I switch to her favorite Web site, a move she endorses.
I suppose one possible response to the news would be to cut down the amount of media my children are exposed to. It’s more likely, though, that my wife and I will continue to strike a balance between our protective instincts and the need to be share information with our children.
After all, we know what’s around the corner. It’s never too long before our daughter will ask one of her favorite questions again: "What happened?"