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Chinese businessman greeting son on train platform
When a father travels for his job, family life feels it. Not only does he miss birthdays, holidays and special events like Scout ceremonies or dance recitals, but his being away disrupts any household routine that may have been in place. And don’t think it’s any picnic for him, either! Chances are he hates being gone and coming home to feel like he’s missed out on the life he’s building with you and the kids.
Don’t fret, husbands and travel widows! I’ve been in this game for a long time, and I have some ideas to make the days and nights easier on your family, to stay bonded and to have a little fun in the process. Whether Dad is gone on a regular basis or only leaves for an occasional business trip, you still can make your parenting—and your marriage—work!
Routine
Mom: Try to keep routines you have in place, such as dinnertime, bedtime, etc. Of course, if you want to let the kids watch a little more TV than usual while you snuggle up to them and read a good book, you have my blessing. Being the equivalent of a single parent is hard, and you need to have a break now and then.
Dad: If you know the kids go to bed promptly at 8:30 and you’re stuck in an evening meeting, try to sneak out for a brief FaceTime call to make contact before bedtime. Your wife will love you for it!
Make it fun.
Mom: Have a slumber party in the living room; go to a restaurant where you can eat and play; head to the park. We used to sleep over at Grandma’s for a week at a time to make it seem like our own little vacation. Being pampered at Grandma’s, plus the change of scenery, was good for all of us.
Dad: Try to send postcards or a special note every time you travel. Find coloring sheets and crafts of the kids’ favorite characters online and email them to your children.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Mom: Don’t let the kids get away with things just because Dad’s gone. Sometimes my kids gripe about their dad’s job or the fact that he’s gone, and I remind them that without his job they could not take gymnastics lessons, enjoy living in a nice home and so many other things they take for granted.
Dad: Respect your wife and kids by respecting the routine! See above.
Communication
Mom: Try to talk every day to keep him in the loop, because we all know things change fast when you’re a parent! Take advantage of technology like Skype, email and FaceTime. Also, try the Marco Polo app to leave video messages when it’s convenient for you.
Dad: Tell them the “boring” details of your day. My kids always want to know things like what Daddy had for breakfast and what kind of car he rented. Return Marco Polo messages!
Information, please.
Mom: Put a calendar in the kids’ room so they know when Dad leaves and returns. Small kids will have fun with a paper chain countdown like they make at Christmastime. Older kids can keep a journal and take digital pictures and videos.
Dad: Leave flight and hotel information with your wife, as well as any phone numbers of traveling mates so she can always get in contact with you.
Keep it clean-ish.
Mom: Some moms choose to let the house go all week then do a freakishly fast pickup job the day Dad’s due to return (guilty!). Some prefer to keep it picked up daily. Go easy on yourself while he’s gone and hit the paper plates and easy foods.
Dad: Go easy as Clean House Inspector when you get home or you’ll start off on the wrong foot with your family. Don’t forget they’ve been busy adjusting to your being gone, and emulating Martha Stewart probably was not your wife’s number one priority. If everyone is alive and semi-sane when you get back, be grateful!
If you’re going crazy …
Mom: Depending on what makes you happy, either get out of the house or have someone over who can give you some help and a listening ear. Checking in with other moms (there’s that Marco Polo app suggestion again!) and understanding family members can also help your sanity.
Dad: Tell her it’s okay to hire a sitter and get out of the house for an hour! Contact family and friends (maybe even supportive neighbors) nearby to have them check in on your wife.
A couple more ideas
Mom: If you are able, try to travel with him sometimes. One summer the kids and I drove to Phoenix with my husband, another to Wyoming. Even if you are in a place with a kitchen and still need to cook, keeping a tiny hotel room picked up will be a snap. We grabbed a local map and hit the zoo, libraries, parks, pools and more.
Dad: When you get home, try to give your wife some time alone while you spend time catching up with the kids. They’ve missed you!
Mom: I know it’s hard, but try to give up a little control when your guy comes home. You’ve been in charge, and now it’s time to ease back into working together again.
Kerrie McLoughlin (TheKerrieShow.com) is a mom of five and has been a travel widow off and on since 1999. She loves to hear from other parents!
Book Suggestions
The Business Traveling Parent by Dan Verdick and Scott Pollack
When Daddy Travels by Harriet Ziefert and Emily Bolam
When Mommy Travels by Harriet Ziefert and Emily Bolam