From Gimme to Grateful
Everyone wants to relive that holiday childhood wonder. What better way could there be than watching a young child open that perfect toy she’s been coveting? But we’ve all seen what happens when the magic dies. Kids rip through a stack of 20 presents in a manner of minutes. Months of anticipation end in sibling squabbles and temper tantrums. How often do our children toss aside the toy they “had to have” and whine, “Is that all I get?”
Most of us decry the holiday commercialism. We all talk about wanting to restore the true spirit of the season. You can do it with planning and persistence. But if you sit back and let Madison Avenue take over, you’re sure to have a lot more gimme than grateful in your holiday.
What Kids Really Want
Jo Robinson and Jean Coppock Staeheli, authors of Unplug the Christmas Machine (Harper Paperbacks, $12.95), say they know what children really want. Your kids tell you it’s the latest Wii game or Zhu Zhu pet, but actually they’re more interested in family time, low-key traditions and a realistic holiday—that means fun activities that aren’t so superpacked that everyone ends up stressed and exhausted. Realistic also means that kids understand ahead of time whether their expectations will be met. If the $150 Barbie Dreamhouse is not an option, your child needs to know sooner rather than later.
Steps to Reducing Greed
Once you’ve decided to make the season more about giving than getting, how do you do it? It sounds simple, but the most important step is to make the decision and stick to it. Parents must take the lead to reduce the focus on stuff. That means resisting the temptation to overdo, overshop and overstress. Greed feeds on itself—the more kids get, the more they want.
Elaine St. James, author of Simplify Your Christmas (Andrews McMeel, $14.95), advises parents to downshift as early as possible. “Sit down with them now and talk about why you want to do Christmas differently this year,” she says. But instead of focusing on how they won’t get all the toys they want, make the conversation about what they will do that’s even more fun. The key is not to take away their Christmas, but to make it different. Write a list of the traditions your family engages in each year and make a commitment to honor those that reflect your values. You might be surprised at which ones your children hold most dear.
St. James says one of the first things to do is to limit television watching in December. The holiday advertising blitzkrieg feeds the greed machine. “Think of television as your adversary,” she says. Again, don’t make it punitive; just substitute some fun family activities for TV time. Lenexa resident Dan Sixbury, father of two, puts the focus on togetherness. “I enjoy the family time—putting the tree up, decorating the house and making my world-famous homemade eggnog,” he says. “It’s a time of year to be thankful for what you have as well as what you may get.” Creating traditions like these make the holiday memorable and less focused on material goods. And don’t worry if you weren’t born with Martha Stewart’s genes. My own daughter always gushes that my slice-and-bake treats are “the best Christmas cookies ever.” That has less to do with Pillsbury than it does with the time we spend with the cookie platter between us, sipping cups of hot cocoa.
Robinson and Staeheli say that part of the greed hysteria is fed by the emphasis on Christmas Day. Consider planning low-key family activities for each of the traditional Twelve Days of Christmas to avoid a commercial glut on December 25.
Turning Greed Upside Down
If you don’t want to focus on the gimmes, focus on someone less fortunate. Adopt a needy family or choose a charity to sponsor during the holidays. The mental shift happens naturally. But don’t just garnish your kids’ allowances. Get them personally involved by shopping or delivering gift baskets as a family. Olathe mom Kathleen Shryock’s two children participate in Operation Christmas Child (www.SamaritansPurse.org) every year. Her son shops for small gifts for a boy, while her daughter shops for a girl. The gifts are boxed and sent overseas to needy children. “The project helps the children focus on the giving instead of the getting,” says Shryock. And that’s what the season is all about.
Claire M. Caterer and daughter Melanie take a walk every year to look at holiday lights in their Shawnee neighborhood.