When Your Kids Want Everything (and what to do about it)

Deck the halls with boughs of holly…Tis the season...of too much stuff? The holiday of giving is upon us once more, but in the mad rush to tick off every box on our children’s lists, we may be setting them up for future disappointment. According to a study posted on Today.com, parents spend an average of $300 per child for Christmas gifts. This can rise significantly as the child gets older. Some families reported spending close to $1,000 per child! Let that sink in for a moment. When did “more” become the norm? 

I often think back to a couple of years ago when my husband and I spent weeks planning what we thought would be the “perfect Christmas.” We forwent our typical gifting strategy that year, which was to purchase one item in our four categories: want, need, educational and read. As we meticulously arranged the presents under the tree, I was filled with expectations of a magical morning when the children would awaken to find just how generous Santa had been. My excitement quickly waned as they tore from one gift to the next, without so much as a glance at the previous item. Sure, they enjoyed it. They played with everything eventually. They would’ve been just as thrilled, however, had we stuck to our usual minimalistic strategy.

So what’s a parent to do when kids want everything? Stuck between today’s culture of consumption and raising grateful kids, fellow KC parents weigh in on their strategies for keeping expectations and budgets in check.

Gift an experience. Mom of two Cristina Moore says, “After years of feeling guilty for buying too many gifts, I decided to change things up. We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at Great Wolf Lodge. They still received one gift from Santa and one from us, as well as a few little things in their stockings. I worried that they would be upset when we got home and realized there weren’t any more gifts, but they were absolutely fine with it. In fact, they asked if we could do it that way again this year! Spending time together is, by far, the best gift.”

Not only is sharing an experience a memory-maker, it can be a great opportunity to collaborate as a family. For example, each member can write down one place he or she would love to visit or always wanted to do. Afterward, you can take turns presenting your places or ideas to the rest of the family. The one with the most votes wins!

Avoid peer pressure. Independence mom Sally Flinn says, “As parents, I think we get caught up in the guilt of getting our kids things based on what others are saying they get their children. From the beginning, my kids have received one pair of pajamas, one toy and some type of food (candy, cookies, etc.). I know that may sound harsh by today’s standards, but we set the scale on what the kids expect every year as they get older. Now with that being said, the older kids do make a list in case other family members need ideas for what to get them. Ultimately, we focus on what works best for our family.”

It’s easy to get caught up in what other families’ gifting styles are, and even easier when it’s continuously posted to social media. We’re inundated daily with Pinterest perfect ideas. When you begin to feel overwhelmed, back away from your electronics and get back to basics. In other words, make your own rules.

Create a teachable moment. I have a friend who sits down with her children every year and together they pick a place at which they’d like to volunteer or to which they’d like to give. One year, they worked at the local soup kitchen. Another year, they hosted a clothing drive where they collected hats, mittens and coats to donate to children in need. Seeing others who are less fortunate can have a tremendous impact on the way our kids view the world around them. Rather than focusing on how much they’re getting, they’ll start to think about how much they’re giving back.

Curbing your child’s desire for more during the holidays can be difficult, but these small changes can effect great transformation. We love our kids. It’s natural that we want to show it in a variety of ways. We also want them to have the happiest memories on which to look back when they’re grown with families of their own. We sometimes forget, however, that it was never particularly the memories of “stuff” we dwell on. Rather, the feelings of love and joy we remember are what make us smile as we think of holidays gone by. Fa la la la la, la la la la!

Jennifer Bosse is a former Kansas City gal. She now lives in Charleston, SC, with her husband and two sons. She enjoys alternative gifting with her family.