Transitions
The back-to-school season is a time of transitions, leaving behind the free-wheeling rhythm of summer and taking up the commitments, obligations and structured rhythms of the school year. As a former teacher and as a mom, I learned the most difficult moments of the day were times of transition. The interruption that wound down one activity, plunged us into a flurry of change and pivoted us toward something new, was the moment things tended to come undone. Kids, once absorbed in quiet concentration, began to act up and make a lot of fuss. Others stubbornly refused to shift gears. I think adults tend to react to change in much the same way.
Our brains don’t like transitions, whether we’re in third grade or 30-something. But this season reminds us change is inevitable. How do we meet it without resistance and discover the gifts of change?
Shifting habits
Getting kids up in the mornings, off to school, picked up, shuttled to activities, fed and to bed can be a stark contrast to the more laid back days of summer. Shifting habits overwhelms our brains, putting us in decision-overload and undermining the comforts of what-has-been. How do we shift gears? First, we allow discomfort, knowing it’s a natural byproduct of change. Next, it helps if we create systems and schedules for our brains to latch on to. After a bit of practice, our brains get into a groove of neural connections, forming new habits to replace the old. And suddenly, what once felt abnormal and uncomfortable becomes our comfortable, new normal.
Shifting relationships
The start of school is a time of shifting relationships, and not just for kids. Finding where they belong in a class full of new kids and adjusting to a new teacher can be rough. And as moms, sending slightly-older-than-last-year kids off on their new adventure requires new adjustments, too. Our kids might need us less—some years, they may need us more. Perhaps we give our kids added responsibility and back away to allow natural consequences when they fail. How do we cope with shifting relationships with our kids? We simply hold the space for our mutual evolution, instead of pushing against it, knowing our relationships are designed for growth.
Shifting identities
Transitions affect our identity as moms. I remember the first time I sent my kids off to preschool, then kindergarten and this year, I’m sending my youngest off to middle school. Each transition has meant a huge shift in identity for both of us. Whether we work inside or outside of the home, it’s very easy to have our identities entangled in our role as mothers. And as our kids get older, our identities as moms change. When we feel lost, it’s important to find things beyond motherhood that fulfill us. Think back to your best memories, times when you felt most alive. String them together as clues to your heart’s deeper longings, and then follow.
Wendy Connelly, M.Div., is a podcaster (MoJo For Moms podcast), life coach and mother of two from Overland Park. You can find Wendy’s latest podcasts, TV appearances, retreats and more at MoJoForMoms.com.