5 Ways to Be Supportive After a Miscarriage
About 10 to 15 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. While it’s hard to know what to say and do, loss is very isolating and when you stay away, you compound the loss, says one expert.
“Many people shy away from someone who has miscarried because they are afraid to say the wrong thing,” says Robbie Miller Kaplan, author of How To Say It When You Don’t Know What To Say: The Right Words For Difficult Times: Miscarriage $6.95. “The right words and helpful deeds bring comfort when it’s needed most. Your positive actions play a pivotal role in helping individuals cope with loss and heal,” she adds.
Kaplan offers five simple steps for lending support following a miscarriage:
- Acknowledge the loss and write a note to share your sadness. “Many people find comfort in knowing they are in your thoughts and prayers,” says Kaplan.
- Bring a meal. Ask if there are any food restrictions, allergies, or dietary guidelines but if you can’t find this information, deliver a container of soup, a platter of sandwiches, a vegetarian casserole, muffins, or something from the bakery. Note the ingredients, shelf life, and heating or freezing instructions.
- Make yourself available to drive them to or accompany them to physician, treatment, or professional appointments. It may be comforting to take them for coffee or lunch after a follow up visit with to the obstetrician.
- Ask the parents if there is something you can do to help them memorialize the baby. If they would like to do something in the baby’s memory, suggest you plant a tree together.
- If the couple has other children, offer to babysit. “Parents with other children are often so busy with childcare that they don’t have time to grieve properly or reconnect after the loss with time to themselves,” says Kaplan.
How to Say It When You Don’t Know What to Say: The Right Words for Difficult Times: Miscarriage provides insight into the process of grief and offers practical advice on how to comfort during challenging times with suggestions and lists of what to say and do along with sample letters. The publication is available at http://wordsthatcomfort.com.