Can I Help?

     As my daughter is nearing  2 1/2, I am continuing to see her grow and change into the little person that she is. She is curious, loves to be outside, enjoys make-believe and everything princess, loves music and telling stories, and wants to do everything herself! As a parent, I love seeing the independence in her. She is showing me (and everyone else) that she is very capable - to climb up the ladder on the swing set by herself, to get the silverware out of the drawer and put on the table, to turn her CD player on, and to wash her hands in the sink. She is no longer the baby I still remember her to be. She is a budding, intelligent, compassionate little toddler, attempting to claim independence in a big world.

     So how do I handle this? How do I foster that independence, knowing there will be power struggles, spills, and accidents? Erik Erikson refers to this stage of development (18-36 months) as Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt. Toddlers are staking their claim to independence from their parents who have exclusively cared for their every need. They are realizing that they are independent from us. They can turn on a light switch. They can fling food across your newly swiffered floor. They can inevitably throw a fit (and make quite a scene) in a store in attempts to get your (and everyone else's) attention.

     Recently, Ava has been asking the constant question, "Mama, can I help?" with virtually everything. Numerous times a day, she drags one of the chairs over from the kitchen table to the counter where I'm at, wanting to help with food prep. The other day she wanted to wash the dishes and clean the sink. Letting her wash the dishes, knowing she will probably get soap and water all over, allows for her to develop autonomy in this developmental stage. To discourage her or even scold her for getting water all over the sink can make her feel the shame and doubt that Erikson wants us to avoid. This simple example of washing dishes is a natural part of toddlers, and so are the messes and mistakes that go along with it.

     How can you encourage the natural curiosity in your toddler and provide them with positive learning experiences? Praise your toddler for their initiative, and take an extra dose of patience to get through this very normal period of declaring their independence.