Getting a Good Night's Sleep
As much as some of us parents may initially balk at it, children thrive on routines. At times I feel held captive by my children's meal and sleep schedules. I miss being able to go wherever I want, whenever I want, for as long as I want! However, if I do that, I pay the price with fussy kids. Anyone who has experienced a baby's overtired wailing or a toddler’s going berserk about something trivial soon realizes that sticking to the same plan daily is worth it! (Then, on very special occasions, they are well rested and can handle missing a nap or going to bed late.)
For the first few weeks, babies are such sleepyheads that you can't really screw up and start bad habits. Take it easy on yourself and just survive! But soon, you should be intentional about fostering healthy sleep habits.
One of the best gifts you can give to your baby and yourself is creating a bedtime routine. This routine tells your baby that it is time for "nighttime mode" sleep, as opposed to daytime mode napping. Babies sleep on and off all day long with alert periods between naps. In contrast, at night they should wake and then go immediately back to sleep after having their needs met. For me, this generally means nursing the baby back to sleep and changing the baby's diaper if it is poopy. (If your baby will tolerate a wet diaper, you can leave her in it all night. You can try using a larger diaper size at night for more absorbency. Fewer diaper changes allow for less disruption during nighttime sleep.)
Telling your baby that it is time for nighttime mode is a simple matter of conditioning. Remember the Pavlov's dog experiment you learned in Psychology 101? Pavlov rang a bell every time the dogs were fed, and they naturally salivated when they ate. Eventually, they became conditioned so that they started salivating as soon as they heard the bell, even if no food was presented. They were trained to associate the bell with mealtime. Pavlov proved that animals (and humans) could be trained to respond in a certain way to a stimulus. That's what we do with babies—simply create a consistent routine that tells them when it’s time for nighttime sleep.
So do you want the good news or the bad news first? Okay. The bad news is that it could take your baby a year or more to sleep through the night without any awakenings, especially if you don't want to do any (age-appropriate) crying it out. Just be patient and remember he’s a baby and he’ll only be little for a little while! The good news is that even newborns should get the idea of nighttime mode. So if/when they do wake up, it shouldn't be for long.
Each family has different circumstances and values, but let me share what our family's routine looks like for an example. Some nights the baby gets a nice relaxing bath. Every night, the baby gets a fresh diaper, changed into pajamas and swaddled (in a Woombie or Halo Sleep Sack). The white noise machine goes on, the lights go off and blackout curtains are closed, and the baby is rocked and nursed until asleep or mostly asleep. (At several months of age, a baby can anticipate what's next in the routine. As soon as our baby gets swaddled, she starts whimpering to nurse. Some people avoid the nursing-to-sleep association like the plague, but it has been the easiest and most natural way for me to get our babies to sleep.) By 6 months of age, we add in books and prayers. Once the kids get older, we add into the routine things like taking vitamins, brushing teeth, going potty, hugs and "I love you," and sleeping with the same special stuffed animals every night. We believe in early bedtimes to give our kids 11 to 12 hours of nighttime mode sleep.
While I am taking care of the baby in the middle of the night, I do my best to keep myself in nighttime mode! I do everything I can to preserve my fragile sleepy state. I use an Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper so I don't even have to get out of bed to care for the baby. I don't look at my smart-phone while I'm nursing or even look at my bright alarm clock numbers! I try to stay drowsy and relaxed. I definitely don't turn on lights or talk to the baby because she would want to wake up more to enjoy the pleasure of my company!
If you have trouble going back to sleep in the middle of the night after your baby wakes, try relaxation techniques. My favorite is to lightly close my lips and relax my jaw. This helps relax your face and thus your whole body. I sometimes still find it difficult to turn my thoughts off in the middle of the night. That's why my husband and I invented Berry Sleepy. It's an all-fruit capsule you can take to help you fall asleep. If you want to give it a try, I'll give you, my mommy friends, $10 off with code KCBABY at www.BerrySleepy.com.
With a wise and consistent approach to nighttime sleep, your whole family will be well rested and able to live each day to the fullest!
Adrienne Doring lives in Prairie Village with her husband, Gregory. They have three children, ages 4 and younger.