How Many Children Should You Have?
With nearly 1 month left to go until our second child arrives, we are busy preparing for life with two. Getting his room ready, talking to the soon-to-be big sister (who just turned 2) about what all this means for her, discussing how our lives and marriage will be affected with the addition of another one, dreaming big, etc. My mother recently read an article in TIME Magazine entitled, The Only Child: Debunking the Myths, and now that we are growing from one child to two, I was instantly intrigued at the title.
Before I go further, I ask you to think about what first comes to mind when you think of only children. There might be multiple things, both good and bad. Some might describe them as talented and fortunate, while others might describe them as lonely, self-indulged, and spoiled. This article attempts to "debunk" these negative stereotypes about onlies, providing facts and figures to support it, while inadvertently causing children with siblings to feel a bit inferior to their "only" counterparts.
From what I could gather, our sinking and turbulent economy has much to do with the decision to either have just one child, to delay motherhood, or have no children at all. Singletons are now becoming the new "traditional" family, and apparently are more successful because of it. Based on various research, onlies score higher in intelligence and achievement tests, and have higher verbal and math abilities than those of us with siblings. The article claims that parents of only children have higher expectations academically than those with multiple children (though I felt very challenged by the high, yet appropriate bar, that was set for my siblings and me by my parents growing up).
Why does research show that onlies score higher? Simply, because parents have more money, time, and energy to invest in one child than having to disperse it between two or three. And this also results in "higher SAT scores and self-esteem." Carefully thought out, the article also lists famous and successful singletons that have graced our culture, from FDR, Cary Grant, Condoleeze Rice, Elvis, Sinatra, and Lance Armstrong (to name a few).
One parent that was interviewed (who has one child) talked about always being able to see the "light at the end of the tunnel." She was referring to the fact that no matter what stage she was in with her child, she could always get through it because she knew that eventually it would be over, and she wouldn't have to ever go through it again: nursing, teething, potty training, separation anxiety, and so on. But doesn't this attitude seem to reflect poorly on the joys of motherhood? If we're always looking forward to getting finished with something, one has to wonder if you are enjoying it at all.
I would LOVE to hear some of your thoughts regarding this article. There are some valid points brought up, but in my opinion, nothing is full-proof, whether you're an only or 1 of 5. And I also believe that the Lord would not have commanded us to "be fruitful and multiply" if it would be harmful to us and our children.