How Things Are Different on Kid #2
I've always heard that you get wiser with age, and in the area of parenting, this is no exception. Well, wiser, and maybe a little more relaxed as well.
Our son (second child) is nearing his 3 month mark, and life with him is already so different than how it was with my first. My sister-in-law and brother just had their first (a boy) 3 weeks ago, so I'm watching them go through all of those moments you go through when it's your first. I'm also able to more clearly see the differences between us, since we are now parents of two. Maybe you can relate?
- I didn't read any books before Owen (our 2nd) was born. I had several that I was reading when I was pregnant with Ava (my 1st), as if somehow that was the magic bullet to figuring out my mysterious baby. If I pick up any of those books, it's usually a quick, 2 minute glance while bouncing Owen and making lunch for Ava.
- I feel more relaxed as a parent. If Owen is crying, I feel fairly confident that I know why. I already have a better grasp on his cries than I did with Ava at this point. And while I don't like for him to cry, I'm also realistic that (gasp!), yes, it will happen, and no, he won't be scarred for life if he cries for 30 seconds while I make his bottle.
- The details aren't quite as "detailed" as they once were. On the rare occasion that my husband and I would have a date night without our daughter, I always provided a detailed word document full of information for my mother or mother-in-law on how to handle 2 1/2 hours with Ava. This document included details on which book to read before bedtime, particular items Ava enjoyed playing with, a list of "cautions" such as...be careful with her on the steps, she can only go down the steps on her bottom, don't let the dog get too close to her face, and a list of food that she was not yet able to eat at her particular age, to name a few. Now, I usually just say when bedtime is for her, and I assume they can figure out the rest. The truth is that with 2 kids, I just don't have time to make that word doc anymore (and I'm sure no one will miss it!).
- I'm more willing to do what needs to be done rather than being so rigid one way. The first thing that comes to mind here: giving Owen bottles, and yes, even bottles with formula. With Ava, I was so adamant about breastfeeding 98% of the time, and only giving breast milk in a bottle. While I would still rather give Owen breast milk all the time, sometimes, he does get formula. And I think he's happier and more content because I'm willing to do what "needs to be done." And he even gets bottles in the day when my supply is running low, and he's obviously still hungry. I didn't do this with Ava, but again, I'm doing what needs to be done.
- I'm letting go of some expectations for myself, and being realistic about life with two. It's no secret (to those who know me) that I like organization. I like things to be clean and picked up. I love cleaning our kitchen sink at night with Comet. I am bothered at the thought of leaving clean dishes in the dishwasher overnight or clean clothes in the dryer without getting them folded or hung. But these days, just getting the clothes into the wash can be a challenge. And washing that sink at night? Well, it just doesn't happen every night (and that's ok!).
For all the new moms out there, enjoy this sweet time with your little one! Life with a new little one is amazing each day, and every day is new and exciting. It is a precious, yet fleeting time of firsts, and you have more time now than you ever will in the future.
Soak up the moments: the quiet times to nurse (without a toddler climbing all over you), the wonderful opportunity to get your baby on a schedule and stick to it (without having to juggle Mother's Day Out, play dates, and your older child waking up the baby "to see him open his eyes"), and lying peacefully with your baby on your chest (wwithout having to guard that innocent infant from the eager big sister who wants to give the baby a big hug - and all you can think is, just don't crush him!).