Infertility: From Failed Endeavors to Fruitful Options
Infertility affects one in seven couples, and it isn’t just limited to those trying to get pregnant. The good news is it is treatable two-thirds of the time.
One of Scott and Tracy Willman’s favorite pastimes is looking at family photos. But these aren’t your typical snapshots. They are pictures of all three of their children in Petri dishes. The Willmans are just one of many couples who have turned to fertility sub-specialists and assisted reproductive technology (ART) to help them start or expand their families.
“Infertility affects one in seven couples, and it isn’t just limited to those trying to get pregnant,” says Dr. Barbara McGuirk, reproductive endocrinologist and infertility sub-specialist (REI). “Sometimes women come in because they’ve had a child and now they’re having trouble conceiving. Sometimes they have a different partner and it just isn’t working.” The good news, she says, is it is treatable two-thirds of the time.
For Tracy, finding the right sub-specialist and understanding the diagnosis and treatment options was the first step to overcoming infertility. “I already knew from a previous marriage that getting pregnant was going to be a problem,” says Tracy, then 34. “So when Scott and I got engaged, we immediately sought out an REI, one my ob-gyn recommended.”
During consultations, the Willmans learned about various treatment plans. “Everything was spelled out so clearly. We got worksheets to take home, even medication protocol. It was all explained,” Tracy recalls.
“This is one of our primary jobs, to arm patients with information,” says McGuirk. “Couples need to understand what’s preventing the pregnancy from occurring and what the best options for treatment are. With this knowledge, they feel empowered to make the right decision.”
This is where Dena and Rich Duncan ran into trouble. “We had been trying to conceive for about a year when I realized something wasn’t right,” explains Dena, then 24. “I went to my ob-gyn and she put me on Clomid, but that didn’t do any good. Then she referred me to an REI. He continued with the Clomid and tried intrauterine insemination, but that didn’t work either.”
Not long after, the Duncan’s stopped fertility treatments. In the meantime, Dena did extensive research on the subject. “When we were ready to try again, I found another REI practice, checked their stats, and then called the office. That’s when they confirmed what research had shown me: IVF (in vitro fertilization) was our only shot at having a family. It would have been nice if the other doctors had told us this.”
Once a doctor has been found and treatment begins, couples need to have continual support from their employer, family and friends.
“One thing I found helpful was my employer was extremely supportive about the amount of time I needed to be away from the office for treatments,” says Dena.
Tracy’s employer was supportive too. “It was never a problem taking off, but there was still the stress of missing work and knowing it had to be made up,” she explains. It was for that very reason Tracy took a leave of absence when treatments started.
Both couples found family and friends to be extremely supportive. “It’s such a delicate topic and every couple deals with infertility in their own way,” says Dena. “Our family and friends were always interested and wanted to know what was going on. At the same time they honored our privacy and didn’t force their opinions on us.”
Ideally, the greatest source of support should come from your partner. But that isn’t always the case. “Sometimes when couples face infertility, it’s the first big problem they have encountered in their relationship,” says Dr. Nancy Durso, REI. “If they haven’t gotten to know each other’s crisis coping skills, it can be a real issue. By the same token, this can be something that solidifies their relationship.”
That’s what happened with the Duncans. “It definitely brought us together,” says Dena. “We were working toward one goal. Rich was there for all the appointments, whether he needed to be there or not.”
Achieving fertility can be a long, exhausting road with many ups and down. And for some, pregnancy may never occur. For this reason, experts suggest couples establish a timeline so they know when to explore other options, such as egg or sperm donation, surrogacy or adoption.
“It doesn’t have to be so rigid, but a general guideline helps couples because treatments can go on and on,” Durso suggests.
“One thing that was helpful for us was to have an alternate plan,” says Tracy. “Even while I was going through the first treatments, I was taking adoption classes. That way, if treatment didn’t work we would have another option.”
But the treatments did work. “We have a 7 ½ year-old son, Brady, and 3 ½ year-old twins, Chase and Paige,” Tracy continues.
The Duncan’s endeavors were eventually successful too. “The first time I got pregnant it was with twins. I carried them 19 weeks, but they had a premature birth and didn’t survive,” explains Dena. Then there was a miscarriage. But shortly thereafter, Dena got pregnant and gave birth to Rilea, who is now 7-month-old.
“We plan on doing this again someday,” Dena concludes. “I wouldn’t even hesitate. The doctors we chose made it an outstanding experience. They took a difficult situation and made it as easy as possible.”
Helpful Resources
Books
-Dr. Richard Marrs’ Fertility Book: America’s Leading Infertility Expert Tells You Everything You Need to Know About Getting Pregnant by Richard Marrs
-Inconceivable: A Woman’s Triumph over Despair & Statistics by Julia Indichova
- Resolving Infertility by Resolve
-Taking Charge of Your Fertility: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, & Reproductive Health by Toni Weschler
-What to Do When You Can’t Get Pregnant by Daniel A. Potter, M.D. & Jennifer S. Hanin, M.A.
Websites
American Fertility Association, www.theafa.org, 888-917-3777
Advanced Reproductive Care Inc. www.arcfertility.com, 888-990-2727
American Society of Reproductive Medicine, www.asrm.org, 205-978-5000
Center for Disease Control Reproductive Health Information Source, www.cdc.gov/reproductivehealth/index.htm, 770-488-5200
Fertility Lifelines, www.fertilitylifelines.com, 866-538-7879
International Council on Infertility Information Dissemination, www.inciid.org, 703-379-9178
Resolve, www.resolve.org, 888-623-0744, 301-652-8585
Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology, www.sart.org, 205-879-5000 ext, 109