Terrific Twos!
Everyone has heard about the Terrible Twos, but have you heard about the Terrific Twos instead? Around the time toddlers turn 18 months old, they enter into this new stage of independence that can often feel like a power struggle to parents and caregivers. Your once sweet baby is now mobile and ready to make her own mind up. Here are some tips to help make the twos terrific all around!
The first way to set your little one and family up for success is to talk as a family what your goals and expectations are. One of the easiest ways to decide what you want as a family is to focus on creating a daily routine. You will quickly identify what is important to you in the way you set up your day. Focus on a routine instead of a schedule. No one likes the idea of “Fun Playtime 9:00-9:30 a.m.” Instead, focus on certain things to be scheduled such as meals, nap time and bedtime. For example, you could start getting little ones ready for bed at 7:00 with a goal of bedtime at 7:30 but understand that sometimes bedtime will be 7:20 and other times bedtime will be 7:40. Focusing on a routine will make the day more predictable and easier for not only your little one but for your whole family. A routine becomes easy to predict, which will lead to fewer meltdowns. If your little one attends daycare or has a sitter, make sure you plan what the days will ideally look like together, so you can maintain the same routine all days of the week. No day will ever be an exact copy of another, and your aim is to keep things consistent, not exactly the same.
Once you get a routine in place and your kiddos know what to expect on a daily basis, it is time to start leaning into helping them build their independence. Toddlers at this stage are really just trying to tell you they want to make their own choices about things that are important to them. Often we see toddlers have tantrums because they are trying to communicate with us that they want or need something, and unfortunately we don't understand what they want. A 2-year-old might be able to communicate with you he is hungry but not able to communicate with you he wants Cheerios in the red bowl with the train spoon and a cut up banana on the side. The easiest way to figure out what your tots want and to reduce the tantrums is to offer them choices. A lot of choices. The key is to only offer choices you want them to pick. You can offer choices with everything. Ask whether he wants the blue or red cup, the green or purple shirt, to play with the blocks or the puzzles. The possibilities are endless for the appropriate options you can offer your kid. Your child is getting to pick things he wants, and you’re helping him find his voice toward independence.
Another way to help your terrific 2-year-old is to focus on modeling the behavior you want your child to be part of. You can easily build these goals into your daily routine focusing on your priorities to teach your child. You can set up roles or chores for your 2-year-old. Once you teach your child her new responsibilities, then your role is to remind her of when the tasks need to be done, helping her complete the tasks and cheering her on for completing things. One simple chore a 2-year-old can complete is to put her dirty clothes in the hamper. Weave this into part of the bedtime routine and remind her to put her clothes in the hamper every night. Giving toddlers simple tasks to complete will help them feel more independent and develop pride in themselves. Some other tasks a 2-year-old is capable of helping with are pushing in his chair at the table, throwing away his napkin after meals, helping to pick up his toys, feeding the dogs with assistance … the list goes on and on! Don’t expect toddlers to be perfect at tasks, but giving them their own responsibilities from a young age will help them develop and communicate the independence they are searching for. They are on their way to the terrific twos!
Helping a toddler become terrific is hard work! Don’t beat yourself up every time your toddler gets upset. Focus on controlling what you can and let the rest go. Remember, your toddler is trying to communicate with you, and how you help set up parent-child communication now will make the twos terrific!
Janelle Cumro-Sultzer lives in Overland Park with her husband, son and two dogs. She is a former health care executive director and is a mediator in Kansas, helping families in conflict.