When Toddler Meets Baby
Helping Children Adjust to the Newest Family Member.
Before our son was born, my husband and I tried our best to prepare our 3-year-old daughter for his arrival. We let her help decorate the nursery and arrange clothes in his drawers, and we took her to prenatal checkups. Our daughter seemed excited about the birth of “her baby.”
Then our son was born, and big sister abruptly changed her mind about the wrinkly, red-faced alien that had invaded our house. He cried; he pooped; he spit up. His arrival brought a drove of visitors to our home.
Newborns are a big adjustment for everyone in the house, and how an older child reacts depends partially on his temperament. Fortunately, parents can do many things to help children adjust to a new baby.
- Encourage him to help. A toddler can wash baby’s legs during bath time, grab a diaper or pat the baby’s back when she cries. Older children may enjoy singing songs or rocking the baby. Sheila Stratton, a Spring Hill mom, says, “I tried to involve my older son in the daily routine of taking care of the baby. If he asked to hold the baby, I would sit with him and the baby. We would play a game where he would talk to the baby and I would pretend to be the baby talking back to him.”
- Let her express herself through art. Have your child create a storybook about her and her new sibling. Let her draw pictures and write (or dictate) the story. Or buy a disposable camera and a photo album, and let her create a scrapbook.
- Ask her advice. Our daughter loved to choose her baby brother’s outfits each day. Have your child make simple decisions by asking: “Should the baby wear the green shirt or the blue shirt?” or “Which story do you think the baby would like to hear?”
- Read stories about new siblings. Tara Mast, a mother of three in Kansas City, MO, says, “Because our daughter loves to read, I think the thing that helped most was reading books to her about being a big sister. We read I'm a Big Sister by Joanna Cole and The Berenstain Bears and Baby Makes Five by Stan & Jan Berenstain. Those two books in particular seemed to help her transition into life with a new baby.”
- Spend time alone with her. Take time each day to cuddle her, read a story or color together. Go on outings together, even if it is just to the grocery store. Time alone with you will make her feel special and let her know that she is still – and always will be – an important part of the family.
- Show him pictures of himself as a baby. Children love hearing stories about themselves, so get out the baby books and photo albums. Jesseka Endecott of Lee’s Summit did this with her older son to help him adjust to his baby brother. “We looked at his baby pictures and talked about what he was like,” she says. Kids might be surprised to find out that they were not all that different from their baby brother or sister.
- Praise positive behavior. If a sibling touches the baby gently, makes her smile or shows her how to stack blocks, let him know you are proud of him. Telling him that he is a terrific big brother will encourage positive behavior.
- Acknowledge her feelings. Let her know it is okay to feel sad, angry or frustrated. Say, “I see you’re angry right now. Would you like to talk about it?” or “Are you frustrated that I can’t hold you because I’m feeding the baby?” Sometimes an older child may just need you to listen or give her a hug.
Today our 2-year-old and 5-year-old are either racing around the yard laughing or hurling blocks at each other. In other words, they are perfectly normal siblings.
Books big brothers and sisters will enjoy: My New Baby by Annie Kubler On Mother’s Lap by Ann Herbert Scott The New Baby by Mercer Mayer Mail Harry to the Moon! by Robie Harris I’m a Big Sister and I’m a Big Brother by Joanna Cole Tisha Foley lives in Belton with her husband, two kids and a cat.