Adding to the nest

The decision to expand your family is a major one. Huge, actually. It’s a bigger decision than some parents realize. There are so many factors to consider before taking that next step.

First off, kids are expensive—100 percent worth it, but expensive! Can you budget to be able to provide for multiple babies? Are you a stay-at-home or working mom? Will you need to finally pull the trigger on purchasing that minivan you’ve been eyeing?

It’s important to be realistic about adding to the family, in addition to dreaming big. Having a family of seven kids might sound magical and fulfilling until you’re spreading yourself too thin and not meeting everyone’s emotional needs. On the other hand, you might be just the kind of parents to love and lead a big brood.

Before my second baby arrived, I was worried about my firstborn. Would he feel left out? Would the transition be tough on him? How could I even love another human as much as my firstborn?

Well, a mom can and she does—it’s amazing! You’ve just got to be intentional. Adding another bundle of joy to the mix, admittedly hard, is just the best. Prepare yourself, and you can do it, even on the tough days.

Exhaustion is an undeniable reality. Some days you’ll just want to send your older kid to Grandma and Grandpa’s house so you can snuggle with your baby or close your eyes for a moment when he does. Some days you should do that. Other days, put together a puzzle with your toddler while your baby stretches in the Pack ’n Play.

Magical days happen, too. Those are the days when you’re snuggling your newborn on the couch while your older kiddo plays directly across from you, occasionally running up to you to kiss his baby sister on the head and pet your hair. Maybe you’ll sit with your firstborn and play with Play-Doh while your baby naps right next to you.

Remember those sweet moments when you’re in the thick of parenting more than one child. Because you will have days they both poop at the same time and need some major cleanup. Or you might be starving, but your toddler is having a meltdown because he wants to play outside, but it’s raining, and your newborn needs to nurse again. You’ll long for a peaceful moment to breathe, but your baby is cranky from teething and your son is cranky from boredom.

Every mom has advice and stories from the trenches, each uniquely her own, familiar and relatable. There is no all-encompassing perfect advice, only a survival guide of general principles. Glean from others but know you’ll find your groove. I will offer one piece of important advice: Soak up all the moments you can with your first baby before your new one arrives. Just enjoy that one-on-one time. And when your second arrives, include your other kiddos as much as possible.

Once you’re a family of four—or more—there is no going back, and your time will be significantly divided among a number of small children who need you nearly every waking moment. Remember that when you begin to stress about not accomplishing tasks you think you should be able to finish. Do what you can and be at peace about it. You really don’t have the uninterrupted time you used to have before you became the mother of more than one.

Help your firstborn through this challenging season, too. Tell him you love him until it becomes excessive. Even if he gets tired of it. Hug her out of the blue. Get a box of fun toys out of the closet. Remind her that her feelings are valid—it’s okay to want Mom’s attention even when you’re changing the umpteenth diaper of the day.

Even when you’re drained, remember that your beautiful choice to bring another kiddo into the world in turn rocks your firstborn’s world. It’s your obligation to validate big brother or big sister’s emotional needs. You won’t be a perfect mom, but you’ll be one who tries. You’ll inevitably be running on empty some days. Ask your partner or family members for help so you can reset.

Mom pro tips:

• Snag moments to yourself. Wake up 15 minutes before everyone else to listen to music or meditate and stretch while drinking your coffee.

• They won’t nap at the same time. Just accept that and move on. And laugh about it.

• You may have to help your 5-year-old get his head un-stuck while you’re breastfeeding your newborn.

• Sometimes they both cry at the same time. Or get sick at the same time.

• You might feel like you’re running around in circles accomplishing nothing some days, yet you’re totally exhausted. I think that’s normal.

• It’s hard at first, but you’ll get used to being there for two tiny humans at once.

• You’ll wish you could clone yourself.

• You might finally give in and let your older kiddo eat ice cream for breakfast.

• You may start a load of laundry and forget to switch it over to the dryer for two days.

• There will never be enough coffee. Ever.

• Let Grandma, Grandpa or Aunt Susan babysit for you.

• Include your firstborn in anything and everything you do with the new baby. Let the older sibling be part of it all.

• Get a special present or “goodie basket” for your other kid(s) before the baby is born. I went to Dollar Tree and collected a few of my son’s favorites before his sister was born. I wanted him to feel special, too.

• Meditate. A lot. Try to find your calm before adding to the household. It will benefit both you and your kids.

• Sign up for a meal delivery subscription or just meal plan. Prepare frozen casseroles, stock up on snacks and caffeine. Did I already mention coffee?

• You’ll probably ignore a lot of phone calls for a while, and that’s okay. Text messaging works, too.

Emily Morrison is a freelance writer, former copy editor, full-time mommy and Disney fanatic who lives in Independence with her husband, son, daughter and dog.