Affirming Fathers: The Importance of Dads

Five o’clock is a magical hour at our house. The kids, settled from their naps, begin to linger near the garage entry. With the sudden grinding jolt of the garage door, the children stir in a mad rush of anticipation that could shame Pavlov’s dogs: Daddy’s home.

But whether children are young or old, embracing dad with a hero’s welcome or asking him to drop them off five blocks from the high school game, dads (and the great men who take on a fatherly role in their absence) provide powerful blessings and unmatched influence in children’s lives.

Unfortunately, our culture frequently denigrates fathers. Watch most sitcoms and you’ll find the caricature dull-witted bumbling bread winner embodied by the likes of Homer Simpson and Al Bundy. In her book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, Dr. Meg Meeker tells fathers our society has “ridiculed your authority, denied your importance, and tried to fill you with confusion about your role.” And an enormous problem emerges when society strips fathers of their dignity and respect—as we diminish dads, our children suffer.

The statistics are stunning. According to the government website www.Fatherhood.gov, children with involved fathers are less likely to abuse substances, exhibit antisocial, high-risk and criminal behaviors, suffer from eating disorders and mental illness or drop out of school. Father involvement increases children’s self-esteem, cognitive development, educational achievement, future wealth and marriage outcomes and overall happiness and satisfaction toward life.

Sense of Play

Fathers naturally make play a priority, teaching children that having fun is elemental to a balanced life. Amy Scavuzzo, parent educator for Blue Valley, believes it is important to empower fathers to take an active role in parenting. “Fathers have their own unique ways of interacting with their children. They tend to provide more vigorous play, while mothers seem to participate in more organized play with toys and books,” Scavuzzo says. “Each type of play is important for the child's development and influences the child's emotional, academic and social success."

Intrinsic Worth

Like so many adults, children today are taught that their value lies not in who they are, but what they have and do. Our kids are too often overscheduled, overindulged and loved for the wrong reasons—they too have joined the rat race to earn the next promotion (varsity squad) or possess the latest I-god (this week’s gadget of worship). They have often bought into the idea that these things determine their worth. As family therapist Stephanie Andrews, LCSW, from Children’s Mercy Hospital puts it, “Today’s culture is so busy ‘providing the best for a child,’ when all children really want or need is to spend time with their parents. The most important gift fathers can give their children is time spent with them—in so doing, they give them all they will ever need.”

Moral Authority

Strong fathers are natural leaders. Because children seek to emulate their fathers and hunger for their approval, dads possess a unique ability to impart values and mold the character of their children. As Andrews explains, “Being the best example of integrity, honesty, care and compassion in all they do teaches far more than anything a father can say to their child.”

I know full well the importance of a strong father. My own dad was a tremendously good, loyal man and the stable leader in my young life. He died when I was 15. But even now, as a woman and mother, I continue to look back to my father’s example to navigate life. What would Dad do? What would he tell me? From my vantage point, I see with enormous clarity my father’s profound influence in shaping the person I am. With the knowledge of experience, I come bearing an important message to a society that has failed fathers: Dads matter. And their influence is far-reaching.

Fortunately, it happens once in awhile that a dad gets the validation he deserves. Dan Deeble, father of three from Overland Park, describes a weekly daddy-daughter date at McDonalds with his 2-year-old:

“I was telling my daughter what I see in her, trying to find out what’s on her mind… An old man sitting nearby got up, passed me and said, ‘You’re doing a great job, Dad.’” Deeble suddenly chokes up, and continues, “The old man passed me again on his way out the door, and said, ‘Keep it up, young man.’” With one glance into Deeble’s stinging eyes, it is clear: the wisdom of the elderly man penetrated deep into this dad’s soul. Deeble recalls it as “a gracious gift spoken into the fragile heart of a dad.”

This Father’s Day, let’s turn the tables on society’s lies. Let’s stand together to acknowledge the men in our children’s lives. To tell dads, our real-life superheroes, “Thank you, because you matter.”

Wendy Connelly is a children’s author, mommy blogger and sprout-at-home mom of two from Overland Park. She is married to a Superhero Dad.