Alone At Last: The Power of the Weekend Retreat
There isn't much time to be alone when you are raising a family. I'm not talking about "alone as a couple" or "alone with your children." I'm talking about being completely alone. About finding a peaceful place to think about your hobbies, read a book, or dream. Yet, it is that very solitude that can rejuvenate you when you are suffering from parental burnout.
Much has been written about the benefits of taking a little time for yourself. Articles suggest taking a bath, reading before bed, or walking. But I find that an hour here and there isn't enough for me. I need more time to get past the guilt of doing something for myself.
Finding Time
And so it was during a moment of chaos a few years ago when I told my husband Gary I was going to pack my bags and leave.
"Leave?" he asked, a little stunned. He looked at me with concern as the dog barked for a walk, our five-year-old demanded juice ("NOW!"), and our 15-year-old waited by the front door for a ride to school.
I started to laugh. "No, not leave leave, I just want to take a break," I said.
After a thoughtful pause, Gary asked, "So you want to go shopping? Take a walk? Get a babysitter?"
"No, I'm thinking more like a weekend away," I said. "Alone."
He knew I needed "me time" and was all for my break. "How about you go into the city and shop and stay in a really nice hotel?" he suggested.
"Nope," I replied. "I don't want to spend a lot of money or have any obligation to schedules or places or people. I just want to be alone. I want to read, sleep and eat something that isn't in the shape of a nugget," I continued.
With his full support, I scheduled a weekend retreat just one town away from home in a little hotel. I checked in on a Friday and was home by Sunday afternoon. And what happened while I was away was quite uneventful, but incredibly powerful.
Wasting Time
For two days, I slept when I was tired. I read a handful of magazines. I watched a movie. I took a long shower. I wrote about my dreams for the future and planned out some activities. I treated myself to salmon and a glass of wine. And I took two hours to get dressed before going home - trying new makeup, curling my hair, painting my nails and ironing my clothes. For the first time in a long, overdue era, I felt really good. Refreshed. Patient. Happy. And excited to see my family!
It was like the airline reminder: put on your own oxygen mask before tending to your children. The idea is the same: you will be better at caring for your family if you take care of yourself first.
Sharing Time
Excited to share my find, I later told my friend Bethany that I escaped, that I revisited myself for a weekend. I saw her eyes widen. She liked the idea.
Bethany is the mother to four active boys, ages 2 to 11. Her house is full of running, voices and schedules. She juggles homework, referees disagreements, and worries about how her boys are developing. She always seems to be involved in two conversations at once.
Within a month, Bethany had scheduled a getaway for herself.
Mommy Time
"The idea of me going away for a weekend was like, ‘wow'! I haven't been alone since I left college in 1989!" she exclaimed.
Taking her cue from my success, Bethany scheduled her retreat at a local hotel. "When I told the woman at the desk that I was having a Mommy Night Out, she bumped me up to a full suite!"
"I read for fifteen hours straight. Then I slept. Then I read some more," she explained. "I think because I have four people who are asking for my attention 24/7, I couldn't get out of the day-to-day demands. I needed to get my energy back," she said.
She felt the benefits as soon as she called home. "[My husband] Tony was so sweet on the phone. He was very appreciative and very respectful. I could hear my youngest son yelling from behind a door. Tony was trying to talk to me, saying sweet things like, ‘You are the best mother in the world. You are the queen.' And then he joked, ‘They're at me every single minute!'"
While she earned respect from her husband, she also gained respect for him. "It took me a long time to quit parenting Tony's parenting skills. This gave him time alone with the kids and showed him that he can do it," she said, joking, "As long as they aren't in the emergency room, it's a good thing."
Bethany said the trip renewed her mentally. "I was happy to have my family when I got home," she explained, saying that it felt good to give the boys a hug. "[Getting away] reminds you that if you don't take care of yourself, you are not going to be the best mom you can be."
Show-and-Tell Time
When Tony returned to work after Bethany's weekend away, he shared his solo accomplishments with his co-workers. "Tony mentioned it to some of the guys and they were all saying, ‘Don't tell my wife!'" Bethany laughed.
But our secret is out. While it is wonderful to take the little breaks for bubble baths and long walks, sometimes a little more time can get you past the guilt and to a point of relaxation.
Another couple of years went by before I took another weekend for myself - "research" for this article, I told Gary. The trip was just as rewarding. This time I walked a mall for the better part of the afternoon and was able to go back to my room alone and try on some new clothes. No kids. No dog. No demands. It was a wonderful reminder that I am more than a job, a wife, and a mother.
A Few of KC's Top Getaway Locations
When you've left the kids at home, there's no need to get on a plane for some alone time. A 30 minute drive can be just as satisfying a get-away as a three hour flight without the hassle and expense. Whether you crave time by yourself or time with your spouse, consider a few of these local gems for your get-away!
Chateau Avalon 701 Village West Pkwy Kansas City, KS 913.596.6000 Starting at $139
ChateauAvalonHotel.com
A bed and breakfast-like atmosphere with elaborately-themed guest rooms and suites. Awake to enjoy breakfast in bed then explore nearby Legends at Village West.
Southmoreland on the Plaza 116 E 46th St Kansas City, MO 816.531.7979
Starting at $135
Southmoreland.com
Located just a short stroll from the Country Club Plaza, you'll enjoy the relaxing New England B&B ambiance just moments away from dining, shopping, museums & more. You'll wake to the smell of a delicious breakfast being prepared and it's just the fuel you need for your day!
The Elms Resort & Spa 401 Regent St
Excelsior Springs, MO
1.800.THE.ELMS
Starting at $89
ElmsResort.com
Two distinct restaurants are available to accommodate every culinary need while the Spa at the Elms has a long history of being a welcome retreat for the senses. It features many distinct and therapeutic treatments sure to soothe body and soul.