Building the Parent-Child Bond

The first and most important relationship we have in our lives is the one with our parents. Children learn how to love, play, interact and resolve conflict through the bond they form with their parents. From the moment of birth, children want their parents’ love and attention, and their confidence forms and identity develops as they receive it. As they mature, the bond strengthens through shared experiences and by spending quality time together. Here are some easy ways to strengthen the parent-child bond.

            Play together

            The simplest way to bond with your child is to spend time playing with him. Play comes naturally to children and is a great way to spend quality time with them. Play teaches life skills, such as how to share, resolve conflict and how to follow rules. Playing together is a great way to bond with your child. By playing peek-a-boo, tossing a ball in the backyard, playing house or making crafts, you are cultivating closeness with your child as you share his joy in those activities. Playtime gives your child a safe place to share feelings and express worries. By spending time doing what your youngster enjoys, you are declaring he is important and you are there for him.

            Find a mutual interest

            What is your child interested in? If your child enjoys reading, create a two-person book club and discuss the books as you read. If your child loves football, make game night a family event and cheer on your team. If your child is interested in dinosaurs, visit a museum. Some of my lifelong friendships grew from connections made playing sports or participating in activities together, and the same can be assumed when we are talking about parent-child bonding. If you truly enjoy activities together, a stronger bond will naturally form.

            Tell them you love them and why

            It is likely your children know you love them, but how often do you tell them? Saying I love you to your child has powerfully positive effects. Try not just saying you love them, but tell them why. “I love you because you are so fun to be around” or “I love you because you care about others.” Words of affirmation are powerful tools to give our kids the self-confidence they need to face the world, and they are a great way to bond with your child. Similarly, snuggling, giving hugs, kisses or pats on the back, or even tickling and wrestling give your child the physical affection and bonding she craves from her parents and creates a strong bond.

            Make them a priority

            Put down your phone and talk to your children. Show them they are your number one priority. If you have a task that needs to be done, ask your youngster to let you finish it and when it’s complete, give your child your full attention. If you have multiple children, finding opportunity for one-on-one time with them can be difficult. Set aside time to go on a date with each of your children so you can connect and check in with what’s been going on with each. Ask them open-ended questions and then listen to the answers. When you commit to making your children a priority, they will feel important and your relationship will strengthen.

            Create a helper

            For the busy parent, finding the time to make quality moments with a child is a daunting task. To ease the time crunch, try incorporating kids into your daily tasks. While you are cooking dinner, doing dishes or folding laundry, ask children to help and then start up a conversation. Some kids may bond with their parents over fixing the car, painting, gardening or any household task. Not only are you creating a great opportunity to spend time together, but you are teaching life skills and a good work ethic.

            Love them no matter what

            One of the best ways to build a healthy bond with your children is to let them know you will love them no matter what. You communicate this by listening to their problems, offering advice when appropriate and then respecting their decisions, even if they will have negative consequences. If your child makes a mistake, let him know you are there to love and support him through the challenges he may face. Everyone needs to know he has someone in his corner, especially on the bad days.

            Most of these ideas are not profound or difficult to do. They just take a little planning and intentionality. Over time, without even trying, the bonds will be built and your child will have a foundation of love and support as he matures.

            Mom of six Sarah Lyons lives in Olathe with her family.