Explaining Cancer

Several weeks ago, my mother was “officially” diagnosed with cancer. Although we had expected this diagnosis for several months, as the doctors ran a battery of tests, it wasn’t until my mom had a lung biopsy that our worst fears were realized. Needless to say, I was bombarded by a variety of emotions, to anger at the doctors for taking so long to “officially” diagnose the problem and at the insurance company for making my mom jump through so many hoops just to get the tests she needed, to fear that I might lose my mother.

Probably the hardest part of this experience so far was explaining to my children that their grandmother was sick. How do you explain cancer tio a nine-, seven-, and three-year-old. My wife and I tried to explain it in the simpliest possible terms, which only led to more questions; the most frequent of which was “Is grandma going to die?” I wanted to be honest with my kids, but they seemed rather unsatisfied when said I just don’t know. They asked what cancer is, what the doctors were going to do, why she would take medicine (chemotherapy) that only made her sick, but mostly they wanted to know if she was going to die.

Although I think the kids understood that grandma was sick, it didn’t really hit home until we went to visit her last week for her birthday. Although I had warned the boys ahead of time, they were still taken by surprise when the found that grandma didn’t have any hair. Her hair had already started falling out (by the handfull) so she had my sister shave her head. To be honest, I was a little shocked as well. It is hard for me to imagine my mother with a shaved head and initially it was a little distrubing for me. As the evening wore on through, I realized it wasn’t really shocking at all, in fact, I think my mother looked pretty good with a buzz-cut. As the boys and I were driving home that evening, my middle son said something, which was both sad and funny. He said, “Dad, grandma must really be sick, her hair is shorter than mine.”

How do you explain cancer to children? I am not sure. All I know is that my kids knew their grandmother was sick by the length of her hair.