Family Meals: Going, Going, But Not Forgotten

Most parents are probably aware of the drastic changes that have occurred around family mealtime since the idyllic 1950s and early 1960s. In fact, some would argue that the family meal is on its way to extinction. If you’re noticing this in your household, don’t despair, you are not alone.

Eating on the run has become a national phenomena: current studies show only 50% of Americans eat dinner together regularly and a large portion of those meals (34%) are either fast food or takeout meals. A recent newspaper survey revealed that half of the American food budget is spent on eating out. So, why should we be concerned about these trends? Well, the rising rates of childhood obesity and continued substance abuse are a few reasons for concern.

These trends got a lot of specialists asking questions and studying the impact of these habits. The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University published the most comprehensive study on the significance of family mealtimes in 2006. After a decade of studying this situation, they came up with some eye opening results and concrete recommendations.

According to the CASA study, families must reclaim their dinner time together, at least three times per week, if we are to remain a civilized society. Family meals socialize children (and adults) and insulate youth from the outside world. Besides developing healthy eating habits, simple, regular meals taken together from toddler hood through adolescence (when it becomes even more important) improves many things including: grades, communication skills and relationships. But, it might be what family meals reduce that gets most parents attention. According to CASA, regular meals with parents reduce drug and alcohol use by 50-70%! Family mealtime also reduces stress levels at school and home thus boosting emotional health and overall confidence.

Education & Ethnicity

The CASA study also found that parents education levels influence family togetherness. The study found that kids whose parents hold a college degree eat less often with their children than those with a high-school level education. The research also found differences among ethnic backgrounds: more than 50% of Hispanic teens ate with a parent at least six times per week, while 40% of black teens and 39% of whites ate dinner with their parents. Sociologist William Doherty told Time magazine that this stems from the laziness and leniency of today’s middle class parenting. Instead of establishing some guidelines and routines, indulgent parents are treating their kids as customers who need to be pleased.

Ironically, such experts and organizations like CASA are turning to television (one of the culprits in the decline of family meals) to get the word out about the importance of family meals. Public Service Announcements broadcast on family-oriented channels, such as TV Land and Nickelodeon encourage families to sit down at the table together without electronic distractions and share a meal together. The benefits are priceless: your family learns to share and compromise when everyone’s tastes are considered during meal preparation, and the ubiquitous, but vitally important family values are reviewed and learned when families share stories during or after a meal. Sounds complicated, but it need not be. In fact, the CASA study found that its your presence (the parents) and the regularity of the shared mealtime that’s important for health child development, not a laboriously prepared meal.

But, Mom, I’ve Got Practice

Extra-curricular activities are another arena in which sociologists, family doctors, and dietitians all agree: don’t let your child’s schedule rob your family of mealtimes together. First of all, parents must lead by example make dinnertime a priority, not an option. This may mean that you adjust your dinnertime to accommodate your children’s activities, but remember, you should monitor those to keep the outside world from taking over your family life. Children need their parents to show them how to do this. Dr. Janice Meyers, a licensed psychologist in Kansas City, North, agrees: Parents can make choices about activity time, which is often forgotten. Mealtime is a parenting must-do. Its more important than sports, but it needs to be planned and include sharing and caring, says Meyers. She recommends planning 30-minute meals on weekends. When that’s not possible, Meyers recommends sharing a sandwich and a glass of milk instead of running through a fast food lane. Put thought into the meal, instead of high fat and sugar, she says.

Is picky-eater syndrome keeping you from cooking? Jackie Besser of Parkville faces this challenge head-on: They get peanut butter and jelly on those nights (when dinner is yucky). CASA and others agree with this approach put more emphasis on the time shared than on the food preparation. William Doherty, the sociologist referenced above, tells parents not to cater to kids tastes. Rather, serve a variety of foods and teach kids to compromise by trying something new and respecting others preferences.

Need Help?

There are as many resources available to help you plan family meals as there are reasons we don’t do it. Granted, regular meal planning, shopping, and preparation can seem extremely difficult to fit in for working parents. However, stay-at-home parents have an equally difficult time accomplishing this task. Time is the main obstacle, says Diane Mojica of Kansas City. I’ve really tried to cook healthful meals most of the time, but I'm usually out of the house at least part of the day, and my husband works until 7 p.m. Sometimes the sports or scout meetings are later in the evening, which means we have to eat in shifts or wait until very late to eat together. Another local mom who works part-time is challenged for shared dinnertime during the season when track practice runs right into cheerleading clinic.

Many families are turning to meal services, such as Dream Dinners or Social Suppers to put dinner on the table. These outlets offer rotating menus and will do as much of the assembly as you want. The main advantages are: someone else does the planning and shopping, while you and some friends (optional) quickly assemble your meals from a prepared recipe card. Light refreshments are served and you leave with at least a weeks worth of meals. Side dishes and desserts are additional, or you can have the meals assembled for you to pick up at your convenience. The cost generally runs around 12 meals for $180.

The Internet is another resource for planning quick, healthy meals. Start by visiting the websites of your favorite family magazines. Some include shopping lists for suggested meals. If dinnertime just wont work for your family, try making breakfast a family meal. The Lanning family of Parkville enjoys relaxed weekend pancake breakfasts when Dad can be there. Regardless of how you organize it, the key message is to do it: for your family and make it fit your family. Keep it simple and be flexible on time and location of the meal if necessary.

So, if there is one thing you can do to strengthen your family, its making a commitment to sharing family meals. September 24 is Family Day, sponsored by CASA to encourage family mealtime. Plan to participate with your family today, and start a daily tradition that will make a lifetime of difference.

Table Topics

Questions to start great conversations

With six varieties there is a Table Topics for every family. This attractive acrylic box contains 136 cards that provide thought-provoking, often humorous conversations. Whether you choose the Teen, Couples, Girls Night or Spirit box, you are likely to learn something about the people at your table. Kids will share their thoughts and opinions, dreams and desires. Kids love to talk about what they think! For more information visit TableTopics.com or call 888.690.6001.

From Table Topics for Families:

If you could talk to animals what would you try to find out?

Which of your ancestors would you most like to meet?

What is the hardest part about being a kid? And about being a parent?

What would be on the menu for your ultimate birthday dinner?

Kathy Stump is a native Kansas Citian who enjoys sharing dinner with her husband and two children.