Good Girls (And Boys) Don’t Get Fat: Battling “Thin Is In”

Why are we so afraid of being considered fat? Well, it’s easy to blame “the media” that has been feeding girls advice about controlling their weight since the Victorian Era. Couple that with children’s access to websites and social groups promoting disordered eating and you’ve got an explosive issue.

How can parents counteract these forces? Examining your own food attitudes can be a good place to start.

Consider:

That habit of checking our backside or noting the size/shape of our hips speaks volumes about the source of our self-esteem: our appearance. When we make disparaging looks or anxiously ask others, “Does this make me look fat?”, we are reinforcing the “thin is in” myth that so many girls (and increasingly, boys) emulate. This awareness starts early: 51 percent of 9- and 10-year-olds say they feel better on a diet. An early negative body image can be a precursor to an eating disorder. (See www.NationalEatingDisorders.org for warning signs.)

Counter the Culture: Eat to Live

Eating right is one of the most important habits we can teach our children. That means being diligent about what and how we eat. Notice I didn’t include how much we eat. Teach girls to eat a variety of foods for good health rather than restricting themselves to dainty portions in an effort to achieve an unrealistic or even impossibly petite frame.

STATISTIC: The average American woman is 5’4”, 140 pounds; the typical model is 5’11”, 117 pounds. That’s thinner than 98% of American women.

Despite the excessive amount of news we (and our children) receive about our nation’s obesity “crisis,” behavior has not changed because of these messages. Americans spend $40 billion per year on “diet” products, yet 95 percent of dieters fail! Numerous studies demonstrate that learning to eat for your body type and activity level achieves a consistent weight much more often than “dieting.” Furthermore, the dieting obsession perpetuates the Thin=Healthy myth and suggests that a “good” BMI equates good health.

STATISTIC: Among Kansas teens: 38% restricted food intake in order to lose/control weight; 50% exercised for this reason and twice as many were actively trying to lose weight as needed to. (Centers for Disease Control, 2009)

How we eat is just as important as what we eat. Increasingly, research shows family meals are a key ingredient in raising healthy children with positive body images. Dr. Michael Spaulding-Barclay, medical director at Children’s Mercy Hospital’s Eating Disorder Center, encourages parents to re-examine their schedules and make some time for family meals. Avoid having older children “heat up” their own meals and snacks more than once a week; they need your involvement.

Removing negative body talk in our homes and lives … [tells] children … that their weight really doesn’t determine their character. Move the conversation away from thinness to health. – Dr. Michael Spaulding-Barclay

What we say about food and body weight is also crucial to forming healthy food attitudes. Paula Antonacci, registered dietician and nutrition therapist, advises parents to watch their words as much as their actions. “Quit carping on our own weight. It’s okay to lose weight, just don’t talk about it in front of your kids.” Avoid saying “I feel so fat” or “I was so bad today, I didn’t follow my diet.” This introduces your children to a negative relationship between weight and food. Now, they will begin to view their bodies through your eyes. Equally harmful are comments we make about others’ weight, such as, “You look great. Have you lost weight?” Instead, focus on the person’s skills or accomplishments, rather than their appearance.

Other Factors

Many outside pressures contribute to one’s eating patterns: perfectionism, friendship struggles, peer pressure and depression. Yet, says Antonacci, parents are not helpless–children need daily doses of support and unconditional love. Serve these along with regular family meals until your children leave home for lifelong benefits.

Parents do not cause eating disorders, but can help cure them. – Dr. Michael Spaulding-Barclay, medical director, Children’s Mercy Hospital’s Eating Disorder Clinic.

Chew on This:

• As many as 10 million females and 1 million males are fighting life-threatening battles with an eating disorder.
• Young females affected by disordered eating outnumber boys by a slim 3:2 ratio.
• Among high school students: 60% of girls and 23% of boys report trying to lose weight.

TO READ WITH YOUR KIDS: (From elementary age on up)

Tips for Kids on Eating Well and Feeling Good About Yourself: 

• If you are sad or bored – and not hungry – find something else to do. Try talking with a friend, parent or teacher.
• Healthy bodies and happy people come in all sizes. No one body shape or size is a healthy one or the right one for everybody.
• Some people believe that fat people are bad, sick and out of control, while thin people are good, healthy and in control. This is not true and is hurtful.
• Do not tease people about being too fat, too thin, too short or too tall. And, don’t laugh at jokes about fat (or thin) people. Teasing is unfair and it hurts.
• Appreciate yourself (and others) for who you are. Enjoy playing and being active, and eat a variety of healthy foods–even a cookie or chips sometimes.
• See the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA), www.NationalEatingDisorders.org, for more resources.

Kathy Stump writes from home in Parkville, where she strives to serveregularly-scheduled meals with occasional treats to her 11- and14-year-old children.