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I’m Expecting, but I Didn’t Expect This!

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Right off the bat, please know that I myself am not expecting. After four years of fertility treatments and a lot of curse words, I had my son in 2015 and called it a day. But that doesn’t mean I don’t remember with painstaking clarity how utterly wild pregnancy was. It’s seared into my mind for eternity, both good and bad. Allow me to share with you the truth about pregnancy that you will never, ever read in any book.

The surprise: Hunger

There’s the running joke that when you’re pregnant you’re eating for two and, my friend, you will discover how accurate that is.

True story: In my third month of pregnancy I was en route to meet a friend for lunch and got so hungry I took a detour through McDonalds to scarf down an entire large order of french fries before finishing my entire meal at the lunch. Pregnancy hunger pangs will hit you harder than anything you’ve ever known before.

The solution: Snacks

Your car, your purse, your partner’s pocket—bring snacks everywhere to keep the hangry feelings at bay. This is not the time to watch the scale unless your doctor recommends it. Eat a little, then eat some more. Rinse, lather, re-eat.

The surprise: Skin tags and moles

I told you we were going to get real. Your body is going through an onslaught of hormonal, emotional and chemical changes. Naturally, your body might start to grow things other than your child. So don’t panic if one day you wake up with a weird mole or random skin tag somewhere on your body. (And, girl, they can show up in some super strange places.) Just know this is normal and typically a harmless occurrence.  

The solution: Patience

These inconvenient, fleshy friends will typically go away after your baby is born. If any of them are causing you concern due to abnormal discoloration or pain, you should speak to your doctor and set your mind at ease. Otherwise, there isn’t much to do but wait it out. Ah, the joys of motherhood.

The surprise: Clifford the big pregnant rage monster

As I mentioned earlier, your hormone levels are on fire. Growing an entirely new human being is not a small task, and your body just isn’t sure what to do. Books on pregnancy will warn of mood swings, but I’m here to tell you that is hilariously understated. You will more likely experience “mood ragers” where nothing makes sense and you hate everyone for no reason but also love them so much you don’t even know what do with yourself.

The solution: Breathe and share

These moments are great practice for impending contractions. When your emotions run high, practice taking deep yoga breaths, filling your entire diaphragm for five seconds, then releasing for five seconds. Repeat this 10 times or until your horns retreat back into your head and you begin to feel human.

Important to note, the worst thing you can do is pretend none of this is happening. For centuries women have been masking the utter terror, anger, joy and elation they experience during pregnancy—and the world is no better for it. Share your turbulent emotions and euphoria with your partner and those around you. It might be difficult, but no one benefits from your taking on this journey alone.

The surprise: Apathy

The expectation that every woman should view her pregnancy as a glorious gift to be continually grateful for is a load of bologna. Pregnancy is hard, and do not be alarmed if you feel little jubilation or happiness. The nesting time may never arrive. You might feel ugly and misunderstood and bloated and annoyed the entire time you are pregnant. Once again, there is no handbook to follow. All you can know for certain is your pregnancy will bring emotion on the spectrum, including plain old boredom with the entire situation.

The solution: Accept all the feelings

Day to day, your priorities can reshuffle. One minute you may choose to focus on your work, your personal life and your passions. The next minute you may feel hyper focused on what types of bottles your baby will use. Remember that these feelings (or non-feelings) do not make you a bad person, nor do they indicate what type of mother you will become. Let the feelings arrive and cycle through, whatever they may be.

*If you think your feelings are becoming unmanageable or you begin to consider self-harm, please tell your doctor. There is no shame in getting help if you need it.

The surprise: The advice

Brace yourself. Once you announce your pregnancy, the Advice Train will exit the station and it will never, ever stop. Your parents, his Aunt Patricia and even Clyde in accounting down the hall will suddenly offer you baby and parenting advice you never asked for. These nuggets will be well intentioned. After all, people want to share their experiences, just as I am sharing mine with you now. But those pieces of advice may not be welcomed by you and your partner—and that is allowed.

The solution: Boundaries

You may as well learn this word now. The need for setting and maintaining boundaries will extend well past your pregnancy and into your child’s teen years and beyond. You need to decide how much you can and are willing to take. Do you even want advice? Do you care what others went through and what they recommend? If the answer is no, practice speaking up. It can be as simple as stating, “I appreciate your wanting to help with daycare recommendations, but my partner and I have a great support system around us. If we need any help, I will definitely let you know!”

Leave it at that.

This is your and your partner’s baby and pregnancy. All of the choices and fears and stresses are laid at your feet. Believe me, once your baby arrives, the choices that you have start to get less and less prevalent. Your child will have a mind of his or her own that supersedes anything you planned. So truly take this time to do what you think is best for you. Judgment be damned. Take the road no one else in your family has taken. You are this child’s parent, and you must get comfortable in doing what works best for you and your family.

No one can take that from you unless you let them.

Other unexpected adventures pregnancy will bring you

Kim Antisdel is a freelance writer and interior design sales rep for KC. She lives in Liberty with her husband, stepdaughters and son.

As always, please consult your health care provider with any questions or concerns.

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