It Is Not the Teacher’s Fault

I had the distinct pleasure of attending two sets of parent-teacher conferences this week. As a teacher, I had to sit through two days of conferences. Then on Friday, I got to change hats, turn into a parent and attend my own children’s parent-teacher conferences. I will be honest with you; I really don’t like parent-teacher conferences, either as a teacher or a parent.

Now I consider myself a down-to-earth guy and I think I have a fairly good grasp on reality. I know my children’s strength and weaknesses and don’t have an unrealistic picture of their abilities in my head. Although I always enjoy talking with their teachers, it is almost a waste of my time because they rarely tell me anything I don’t already know about my children. I am involved in their lives, I read with them, write with them, count with them and struggle through the nightly homework with them; therefore, I have a pretty good idea what the teacher is going to say, why they are going to say it and how they are going to encourage my children and my wife and I as parents, because my “teacher” speeches are pretty much the same.

Parent-teacher conferences are torture for me as a teacher, however. They are painful because in my experience (however limited that may be) parents are not involved in their children’s school live. More often then not, these parents have an unrealistic view of their children’s academic potential, have lofty expectations that are unattainable, and do not hold their own children accountable for their academic success. These parents come into conferences, unhappy with their children’s grades, and immediately start throwing the blame on the teachers. Now, I can do a lot for my students. I can teacher them the skills they need, I can provide the information necessary, I can hold them to high expectations, and provide them with everything they need to be successful. The one thing I can not do is make them do their work or make them be successful; only we parents can do that. I can’t tell you how many times I have had parents demand to know why their child has missing assignments or why their test scores are low. Although, I have to use every ounce of “teacher speak” I possess (and every ounce of self-control I have), the bottom line is that I can’t make them do their homework and I can’t make them study for the tests. I also have this problem as a parent; I really can’t make my own children do anything they really don’t want to do. As a parent however, I have things I can use to motivate my children to get their homework done (Like taking away computer time, television time, added chores etc). I don’t have this option as a teacher. I can only make the assignment and then shoulder the blame when it doesn’t get done. Guess what though: it isn’t my fault (or any other teacher’s fault for that matter).

Too many parents today seem to be afraid to provide their children with rules, are hesitant to enforce them, and terrified to give appropriate consequences. We want to blame everyone and anyone, especially teacher, but really we need to start looking in the mirror. The question we need to start asking is: Are my children’s teachers to blame for their poor performance in school or am I? Until this start to happen, teachers will continue to shoulder an unfair amount of the blame, when there is plenty of blame to go around.