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Second (or Third or Fourth) Pregnancy the First Time

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With the first pregnancy, moms spend a lot of time worrying and stressing over things that aren’t really worth worrying about. Pregnancy is a special time for mothers-to-be. It’s important to stay calm and enjoy this time when it’s just you and your baby. Whether it’s your first or your fourth baby, worry will surely sneak in, but here are a few tips to keep your worries at bay and enjoy every day of your pregnancy. 

Everything in Moderation

Claire Keegan, a mother from St. Joseph, MO, expecting her second daughter, says she had a lot of worries with her first child, including what she could and couldn’t eat. “I worried about every single thing when I was pregnant the first time: my caffeine intake and what I ate,” says Keegan. “It was all unknown territory, and that was terrifying.” Although it’s important to maintain a healthy diet while pregnant and do your best to avoid certain foods, enjoying foods like a cup of coffee or a soda in moderation is fine.  “My worries have definitely shifted with this pregnancy,” she says. “I’m not worried as much about little things like my caffeine intake or having a ham sandwich.

Bargain Shop

Shopping while pregnant can be fun for mothers-to-be. So many adorable clothes, toys and baby gear are available to add to your baby shower registry. “I remember being worried about having all the new gadgets and equipment when, in reality, I didn’t need half the things I registered for,” says Keegan.  I had the same experience with my first child. The items I thought I had to have collected dust, because either they weren’t necessary, or my daughter didn’t like them. That expensive swing we bought? She screamed anytime I put her in it. Those personalized onesies? She dirtied them just as quickly as the cheaper ones. I soon realized all the money I spent on the cute baby gear would have paid for so many diapers and wipes, or even a week or two of daycare.

With my first baby, I balked at the idea of my daughter’s wearing hand-me-downs or utilizing gently used baby items. With my second, I realized it’s fun to let my daughter wear her big sister’s old baby clothes. I love a good “Who wore it best?” photo moment, and my older enjoys seeing her sister wear her old outfits. And why spend $200 on a brand new sling or carrier, when I can buy or borrow a gently used one from a friend?

Be Flexible

With my first pregnancy, I thoroughly researched and planned my birth plan, assumed my breastfeeding journey would be easy like my sister’s and made sure the nursery was perfectly designed and decorated.  I soon realized the baby had her own birth plan that required pain meds for me, breastfeeding was much harder than I had expected, and she spent very little time in that perfectly decorated nursery. The key is to be flexible with your plans and keep an open mind. If you’re planning on a natural birth, be honest with yourself that anything is possible and you could end up having a c-section. If you are unable to nurse, that’s okay too. We parents have to be flexible when things don’t go according to plan.

This is also true for mothers who are having their second, third or even fourth babies. With my second pregnancy, I found myself thinking I knew exactly what to expect and what to worry about, from what kind of pain I would have during labor and delivery down to what kind of swaddles she would like best. But I soon learned every baby is different and on her own journey. I still have moments where I think about how my older needed to be cared for a certain way, but my younger ended up needing the opposite. Once you think you have it all figured out, your baby is sure to move into a new phase and throw another curveball your way. Parenting is full of surprises, so be ready to go with the flow.

Forget Perfection

In the era of social media, falling into a discouraging rut of comparing your life to that of others and striving to achieve that image of being the perfect mother are far too easy. The temptation starts as early as announcing you’re pregnant. Mothers want that perfect Instagram-worthy photo to make the big announcement. Now is the time to put all of that aside. With my first child, we had a big gender reveal with all our family and friends, and there were plenty of photos to post on social media. I actually found myself stressed and worried about the party the night before. With our second pregnancy, we decided it was more important for the three of us to enjoy the news and celebrate together in an intimate setting. It was so much more special, and I didn’t feel the pressure to make a perfect party with a beautiful background, exciting reveal moment and delicious treats. You can’t try to keep up with what everyone else is doing. You can run yourself ragged chasing perfection and will always be setting yourself up for failure. The most important thing you can do? Do absolutely everything in your power to be the best mom you can be for your child—and no one else’s opinion matters.

Enjoy It

In the midst of all the preparations and worry, take the time to sit back and enjoy the moment. “Pregnancy is such a special time in a woman’s life,” says Keegan. “Nine months seems like a long time, but in the grand scheme of things it really isn’t. It’s so important to soak in every little kick and hiccup you feel. It always amazes me how strong a woman’s body is and how we were created to carry and grow a human being. If you get caught up in worrying, you miss out on all those special little moments in pregnancy.”

If you find you are worrying too much during pregnancy, try these tips.

Regan Lyons is a girl mom and freelance writer. She lives with her husband, Cale, and daughters Atley, 7, and Ensley, 1, in St. Joseph, MO.

As always, please consult your health care provider with any questions or concerns.

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