Shy Child

            It’s normal for kids to feel shy around new people or situations, but parents may worry their children are missing out on friendships and enriching social situations because they are too shy to engage with others. Most reserved children maintain healthy relationships and enjoy social situations once they get over the hurdle of unfamiliarity. How can you support your shy child while encouraging them to enjoy participating in social situations?

            Help them feel confident

            One of the best ways to support a shy child is to put them in social situations they feel most comfortable in. If your child loves art but dislikes sports, they will be much more likely to engage with others in an artistic environment than on a sports team. When enrolling your child in camps or attending playdates, keep in mind that they are much more likely to open up and build relationships with other kids when they are doing something they love with kids who have common interests.

            Teach social skills

            Young kids may feel shy because they are unsure of how to act in social situations. You can teach them social skills through role-play. Act out scenarios they may come across or use dolls or toys. Practice saying, “Hi, my name is Avery. Do you want to play?” Go through the possible scenarios and how to respond. What would happen if the child said no to the invitation? What would happen next if the child accepts? Going through possible scenarios will help your child feel more confident in real life situations. “I encourage my kids to speak for themselves whenever possible,” says Amy Cameron, Olathe mom of three. “They order their own food in restaurants and tell the doctor what their symptoms are. It’s so easy to speak for them, but I actively try not to.” Encouraging your children to speak up for themselves in common situations like ordering food at a restaurant or asking a teacher for help will help them learn to advocate for themselves in the future as well.

            Help them make friends

            Kids who are shy often feel more comfortable in small groups or one-on-one. You can help your child build friendships by hosting playdates with other kids. You know your child best and can invite other kids who are a good match—sharing common interests—and choose a location where your child feels confident. If the playdate feels awkward at first, have a few planned activities to do together and help your child with some prompts. Do you want to show your friend your toys? Would you like to choose a board game? Do you want to go outside and play on the swing set? Chances are, the kids will begin to talk, play and find common ground they can build a friendship on. Kids who are shy may hold back at first, but that doesn’t mean they don’t desire and enjoy friendships. By helping them develop friendships, you will help them overcome their shyness in a natural way.

            Ask for help

            If your child is feeling shy at school, reach out to teachers for help. Your child’s teachers, coaches and the other adult role models in their lives can encourage them to speak up for themselves and participate in social situations, encourage friendships, and help them feel safe as they step out. Teachers can challenge shy kids to step out of their comfort zone when the time is right in a way that doesn’t seem overwhelming or forced.

            Be patient

            As children grow and mature, they usually outgrow their shyness. It’s also important to remember that some kids are introverted. Not every introvert is shy, and not every shy child is introverted, but they do often go together. There is nothing wrong with being quiet, and parents should be careful not to label or criticize their child for feeling shy or if they are naturally an introvert. Be patient and encouraging with your child. When they do step out of their comfort zone, praise them for the effort.

            “As a mom of an introvert [and] who is herself an extrovert, I constantly remind myself that we don’t need the same kind of experiences to feel fulfilled,” says Shawnee mom Kara Thomas. “It’s hard to resist the urge to push him into things that I would enjoy. I just always check in to make sure he’s enjoying life, and when he needs some help, we brainstorm ways that meet what he needs.”

            Shyness is often a child’s response to new or scary situations and is common in young kids. It can be the result of emotions such as fear, anxiety and nervousness which are often valid feelings in a new situation. Try not to force your child to be outgoing but, instead, gently encourage them. If you feel your child is dealing with extreme shyness where they are unable to speak or freeze in social situations longer than is age-appropriate, speak to your pediatrician for tips on how to best support them.

Positive Characteristics of Introverts

            Being an introvert is often seen as a negative characteristic in our society. The truth is, introverts have many positive characteristics that deserve to be appreciated.

• They are good listeners and have great observation skills.
• They have time to think of what they say before speaking.
• Introverts often develop close friendships and are trustworthy.
• They have the ability to focus on tasks and think deeply about concepts.
• They are comfortable with silence and usually very independent.
• Introverts often practice good self-reflection and feel comfortable with who they are.
• When an introvert reaches out to a friend offering help, they truly care about that person.

Sarah Lyons lives in Olathe. She is a freelance writer and mom of six.