The Send Button is Not Your Friend

     “Sticks and stone may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”  Did you ever hear that as a child?  Did you ever believe it to be true?  I know that, for me, the things that have hurt most are often the things people say.  Words are powerful.  They seem to be especially powerful when written. 

     Recently, I was reminded of the power of the written word.  Now, thanks to all the different social media outlets, it’s easy to “write”, even without a pen and paper.  We can pick up our phones or laptops and begin “saying” whatever is on our minds.

     As a child, were you ever told to “think before you speak,” or “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”? I know I heard those sayings a time or two.  It’s good advice.  Unfortunately, I’ve seen too many examples of what happens online when people ignore this advice.  The same rules apply online.  In fact, they may even be more important.

      If someone says something to you via email or a text, you have the disadvantage of not being able to also read their body language and hear their tone of voice.  Meanings get misconstrued and feelings get hurt.  Friendships get strained and sometimes even ruined.  People make assumptions and the list of consequences goes on.

     Fortunately, I’ve only been personally involved in an incident once.  Something I read about one of my family members horrified me.  Though I knew it was about my family member, the post didn’t name that person.  I’ve forgiven that person, though I haven’t forgotten it.  It’s unlikely I ever will.  That is the power of words.

     As a parent, I’m going to have to work hard to make sure that my children think twice before they hit the “send” or “post” button.  My children are still young, so they are rarely on the computer, yet I know the day is coming when they will want to text, twitter, or do that old- fashioned thing called email.  My husband and I will do our best to help them realize that if they wouldn’t say something to someone’s face, they certainly shouldn’t write that same thing online.

     A friend recently remarked to me that she thinks people are “brave behind their screens.”  It’s true.  And the thing is, once you post it or send it, even if you eventually remove it, it could still be too late.  The damage is done. 

     I understand wanting to talk about something that is frustrating.  I even understand wanting to vent.  However, there are appropriate ways to do this.  Whatever happened to writing a letter and then tearing it up?  I know, I know, those days are probably gone.  However, it’s just too tempting to hit the send button instead of the save or delete button once you’ve written something potentially hurtful online.

     So, I’d love to know what parents of older children have done to teach their children etiquette when using social media.  Aren’t the teenage years full of enough drama without adding “he texted, she texted” to the mix?

     Please fill me in!  Or maybe I’m only borrowing trouble from tomorrow and this won’t be an issue?  Yeah, I didn’t think so.  I assume that if grown adults occasionally deal with this issue, it can’t be foreign to young adults.  So, fill me in.  What works?