Turn the Table on the Grandparents

Unmonitored candy consumption, later bedtimes, relaxed dinner table manners -- it would seem that to be a grandparent is to indulge others. That is to say, in the company of our children we can witness our parents practicing a different style of "child-management" than the one we were raised with. After all, "It's a grandparent's prerogative!"

This was certainly true when I was a kid. My own Gramma John was my special friend. We enjoyed many a rowdy card game together and prepared all sorts of yummy concoctions in her kitchen. We watched soap operas every afternoon and joked and teased one another. The retirement years allowed her a freedom with me that she didn't experience with her own children back in the days when she was a widow trying to hold things together and maintaining the workings of the family farm.

Today as a mom I love to watch my boys feed the horses with G'wampa Lee or read books with Nanna. While there are moments when our parents have to correct them, for the most part, they just get to enjoy each other. I am blessed by their relationships and know that my parents and my in-laws really love me, my husband and our kids. Our whole family is blessed by our grandparents. They spoil my kids, but often, they spoil me, too. Whether it's babysitting, Happy Meals for all, or a few words of hard-earned wisdom, their contributions to our family are significant.

With September comes one of those Hallmark holidays - Grandparents' Day. It is the perfect opportunity to turn the tables and spoil the grandparents. Thank your parents, your in-laws, or the mature adults who act as grandparents in your family's life. Don't feel obligated to do it, but perhaps take the time to thank those who "love on" you and your kid. At the same time you can equip your child with the right words and resources to thank them himself. Not only will you be teaching him good manners, but you will also be setting a great example of acknowledging those in his life who work to bless him.

Purchase a membership. If the grandparents live nearby, consider purchasing a membership or year's pass to a local entertainment venue to enjoy with the kids. This could be the amusement park, the zoo, a children's museum or science center. Think about what the grandparent likes to do and tailor the pass to his or her preferences.

Catch them on film together. Purposefully photograph those special moments between grandparent and kiddos. If you aren't able to take the photos yourself, make arrangements with a studio to have their portraits taken together. Even discount department stores like Walmart and Target offer affordable packages in their photo studios. What a keepsake!

Prepare a scrapbook. With your child choose a small scrapbook and compile a collection of photos. This will be a brag book, but one in which your child is active in preparing and bragging about her grandparents. If your child is old enough, encourage her to do some or all of the writing in the scrapbook to make it a personalized memento of this special relationship.

Write a tribute. Sit down with paper and pencil to help your child compose a letter or essay detailing all the things that he loves about his grandparents. Copy the final draft on elegant paper and present it in a nice envelope or turn it into a scroll.

Host an honor dinner. Work with your kids to plan a special menu that will please the grandparent's palate. Whether you prepare an elegant menu at home served on the good china or head to Nanna or Grampa's favorite restaurant, focus on ways to honor them. Discuss with your children in advance topics of conversation and appropriate table manners. You might even consider presenting the guest of honor with a corsage or boutonniere or a small gift. Be sure to prepare a toast.

Make some fun memories as you honor those who love and treasure your family! If they balk at the fuss you're making, coach your kids at saying, "It's a grandkid's prerogative!"

Two great books:

GrandLoving: Making Memories with Your Grandchildren

By Sue Johnson & Julie Carlson (Heartstring Press) With GrandLoving you can be the grandparent every child wants! Whether you live near to or far from your grandchildren, GrandLoving will help you grow closer with 200 low-cost, fun activities for babies to teens, tips from 350 families, do-together, long-distance projects and ideas for heartfelt family visits and helpful resources and wonderful books to share. $18.95 Grandloving.com

My Grampy Can't Walk

By Vanita Oelschlager, Illustrated by Robin Hegan & Kristin Blackwoon (Cleveland Clinic Press) This beautiful book helps children understand how an illness might impact the relationship they have with their grandparents. When Jim Oelschlager, one of the nation's most successful money managers, was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, his wife Vanita wrote this book to help explain Jim's condition to their grandchildren. The book details the fun and delight that Jim and his grandchildren share. All proceeds from the book will benefit MS research and programs. $17.95 ClevelandClinicPress.com

Jessica Fisher is a wife, mother and freelance writer, making her home near Kansas City. She and her husband share the joys and challenges of raising five children.