Why Your Kids Want Everything (and what to do about it!)

The holiday season in Kansas City is beautiful, with its winter wonderlands, the Plaza lights and shopping. Lots of shopping. Stores deck themselves out with a lot of cheer and a lot of deals. The holiday commercials start to hit the airwaves, and our normally balanced and well-adjusted children start to crave limitless amounts of stuff.

And who could blame them? I find myself having a hard time keeping the credit card tucked away. I want to buy every toy that my kids want (and that I secretly want, too).This time is the toy makers’ bread and butter season, and they spend a huge chunk of the year strategizing on the best way to get our kids’ attention. Colorful boxes, exciting jingles and many images of other kids having the time of their lives playing with toys create a direct path to the holiday gimmes. We’re on the front lines battling our own shopping list, the long lines that pass by all those toys and games and constantly saying “no.”

How can we help our kids curb their cravings without becoming the Grinch of their little worlds?

The first step is to be prepared. You know what’s coming; you can see it in their eyes when you enter any and every store. A good way to start preparing for the holiday season is by clearing out the old. Toys accumulate so quickly. Have your children help you find old toys that can go to charity. Keep them involved in the task every step of the way, including showing them who benefits from their giving. For many children, this opens their eyes to how much they already have (perhaps evoking some gratitude), and clears the way in your home for the next round of toys.

You also can let them carry around their own personal lists. Or, if they’re too young to write, keep a small notebook at the ready. When they see a toy in the store or on television, they can add it to their lists. This can help cut off the tantrums because it gives them something tangible to do with their toy craving. It works even better if you give them the goal of finding toys at the store for the sole purpose of adding it to the list.

Create a small “yes” budget. Designate a small amount of money for the season that you can dip into when you want to indulge your child a little. You won’t be able to say yes to every little toy they come across during shopping trips, but a small budget for little splurges can go a long way toward keeping the Grinch at bay and keeping your budget in check.

Another great way to keep giving from turning into greedy is to employ “Holiday Dollars.” Grab some fake money (U.S. Toy in Leawood, KS, has some great fake money) to be used as an incentive for good deeds. A good deed can be anything you feel is right for your child. Older kids can do volunteer work around the community, and younger children can do things around the house. The dollars that are earned can be turned in for that coveted toy. This allows you to say yes and them to earn that yes. You can also go one step further by taking away dollars as a disciplinary tool.

If your kids are older, now can be a great time to enforce a new rule. They must be done with their holiday lists before they can buy for themselves. If your children can finish all their holiday shopping, then they can begin to ask for all those shiny new toys.

Saying no all the time is difficult, but remember that you’re doing for your children’s good. Saying yes to everything may lessen your guilt or prevent a tantrum, but it will only hurt kids in the end. The holiday season is a great opportunity to teach our kids the value of giving, not just to family, but to those in need. We can help our kids turn the “I wants” into a solid lesson learned.

Kerry Chafin is a freelance writer and mother of three in Independence.