The bonds created just by telling stories together as a family can last a lifetime or even longer! Stories that may cause you to roll your eyes, laugh at and hear about yourself all help to strengthen the bond you have with your family. They also give you a better sense of your place in the world. They may be tired stories you can recite verbatim, but they are uniquely yours and what makes your family yours and what makes you uniquely you.
kristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristina When you initially think of sharing family stories, you may picture the older generation’s telling “back in my day” stories you’ve heard a thousand times before and maybe don’t appreciate as the truth they possibly are. Listening to my grandma share about how she remembers washing clothes outside and using an outhouse are quite unbelievable, but they are an important part of how she grew up and show just how far technology in our world has come. So not only is that story a part of her history, but it’s also part of actual world history, too. But there’s more to sharing family stories than formally gathering around a loved one, as I sometimes picture in my head (even though my grandma told me this specific story in a very recent phone call). Stories can be shared in informal and impromptu ways.
kristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristina Holidays, for example, are an easy and natural way to share stories from years before. This could be from your parents’ or grandparents’ generations or even from the year before with your own children. Christmas has ornaments for an easy opening to share family memories, especially if you keep the children’s craft or photo ornaments. Many families also add an ornament from vacations or trips, or ones that represent their family in some way, each year to build their history chronology and enjoy on their Christmas tree. I have bought a new ornament each year for each for my children based on something that represents their interests that year. We have ballerinas, superheroes, sports and more for our kids. Then I also like to pick up ornaments from places we’ve visited over the year, too, such as one from our Disney trip, Rocky Mountain National Park and even ones representing our dogs. This decoration style isn’t for everyone, but it’s an easy way to say, “Remember when kristina¦”
kristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristina Other holidays also lend themselves to sharing what past years have been like in your family. For example, ever since we began dating, my husband and I have always had the tradition of going out for pizza and beer on Valentine’s Day so we can chat about the different pizza joints we’ve been to over the years. Maybe you come from a big Irish Catholic family that takes St. Patrick’s Day very seriously. Ask questions and share why that’s important to your family. Or even something silly like who thought it would be a good idea for our family to run the Turkey Trot each Thanksgiving? Or why do we always play a specific game on this day? Or why are we all Iowa Hawkeye and Kansas City Chiefs fans? I think we often take traditions for granted and don’t know why we do the things we do. We just do them because we’ve always done them. I encourage you to get curious and ask some interesting questions.
Food is also a great way to share stories, whether it be Sunday pot roast, game day or tailgate food, specific birthday cakes for members of your family or certain holiday appetizers or desserts. A family story we share with our kids every time my husband requests white cake with white frosting for his birthday is that we couldn’t agree on a wedding cake flavor so we ended up with two! Food is pretty regional and cultural, as is apparent if you’ve seen That Midwestern Mom and her segment on “Midwestern Salads That Aren’t Really Salads” on social media. I think it’s hysterical because that’s how I grew up but can understand why those of you who grew up outside the Midwest may not understand such a thing as strawberry pretzel salad-it’s our family’s favorite because my mom always made it for Christmas. This could even include favorite family restaurants you always go to and how that came to be. Maid-Rites are another Midwestern thing, as is KC barbecue, Chicago deep dish pizza or Portillo’s. Food represents where you grew up or where your family is from if they’ve kept their food traditions alive even after moving.
kristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristina Besides food, another obvious way to share family stories is by looking through old photographs. I think we can take photographs for granted these days because we often take 30-plus photos at a certain event on a single day, but our older photographs are rare and special. Family members took time, effort and money to print these photos to share a special memory. Ask about your mom’s wedding gown, ask about your grandparents’ cars, ask about their favorite baby gear, their favorite pets, what they used to do with their friends. My daughter is in seventh grade now, which is when I started taking all my own photos with my friends, so it’s been fun to see her cringe at my outfits at her age. I know that sharing about how family members have injured themselves tends to get some laughs too-like our family tale of someone’s breaking a collarbone jumping into a hammock. But these funny moments can also lead to some natural conversations about how you remember feeling awkward at that age or when you started dating and what rules your parents had for you at your kids’ ages. Finding that connective thread to bond with your family can strengthen your relationships. Displaying family photos, rotating snapshots out or keeping photo albums accessible are easy ways to look back and remember memories you’ve had together over the years.
kristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristina Besides photos, don’t forget about videos and home movies. My parents had VHS tapes of our childhoods, and my mom’s daycare kids used to choose those often as their movies for quiet time each day. Our childhood memories are that much stronger because we relived them so often. My parents have since moved them to DVDs and probably used a company like LegacyBox.com to preserve these family treasures. I have made a few family yearbooks that we enjoy looking through, and most mornings I start the day by sharing photos from the TimeHop app with my family. I have also use the 1 Second Everyday app for the past three years to make a quick monthly video snapshot of our lives. We love these simple ways to share memories.
kristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristinakristina Laura Duffy, mother of four, is an expert on using the art of photo and film to bond with her family. “I’m really passionate about this! I keep our family yearbooks of daily life photos in the living room within kid reach. The kids are frequently flipping through it recalling stories of years past. Even if it means I need to order a new book every fewkristinayears from worn pages, the storytelling practice is so worth it! I also have a set of photos of all our family Christmases that I bring out at Christmastime and add to each year, as well as a set of Halloween/fall photos we pull out in September. I keep our family films saved on an app on the TV too,” she says.
History alone is an important reason to share family stories. I have come to love historical fiction books, and reading them makes me wonder about and empathize more with what my ancestors went through when they were my age. It may seem like your family has always just been a part of your small town, but that’s not really the case. Someone had to be the first, right? And why did they choose that spot? How has the town changed over the years? These are interesting family stories that should be passed down to the next generations. Roughly 10 years ago, I typed up some questions for all of my children’s great-grandparents and then typed up their answers to share with the family. My daughter was lucky enough to be able to meet seven of her great-grandparents.
Sharing family stories grounds us in who we are in the world, gives a sense of security in knowing where we belong, helps us feel less alone (maybe you learn the women on your side of the family tend to deal with postpartum depression), and can teach emotional health and ways to cope based on the experiences of others. If you’ve heard how your ancestors made it through a difficult time, it can encourage you to make it through your own difficult time as well. And if your mom made it through that hairstyle and those shoulder pads, it’s OK to laugh and know you’ll make it through embarrassing times too!
Stephanie Loux is the mother of Layla, 12, Mason, 11, and Slade, 7. Sharing family stories is a fun part of her life with her family.