Christmas is a magical time when anything can happen, and some of children’s favorite memories and family traditions of the season are woven into their hearts for the rest of their lives.
Unfortunately, Christmas can be difficult to navigate when it comes to a child’s expectations. And while we can all do our best to teach the importance of giving and the warmth it can bring to everyone, it’s a tall order to ignore the hype of Santa and reindeer and mountains of presents.
The pressure to give our children a “good” Christmas is enormous and grows every year. Of course we want to provide a magical holiday, but we also want to keep our kids’ feet firmly on the ground. We want to raise children who are thankful for what they have and grateful for what they are given.
So how do we avoid that inevitable gifting and wanting overload? Here are a few tips:
Set expectations early
By “early,” I mean when they’re toddlers. A decent assortment of books, a few motor skills toys like puzzles or blocks, and pots and pans from the kitchen are more than enough. Easy peasy. If you’re worried your child will be spoiled with loads of presents from grandparents or relatives, stop it early on. Reiterate that your focus for Christmastime will be memories and togetherness, not things wrapped with a bow. Request that grandparents provide an experience as a gift, like a movie day out or season tickets to the zoo. Encourage them to get creative with how they give the gift. Perhaps they give your child a small stuffed animal that’s holding an envelope with the tickets. Creativity always wins the big points!
Focus on the traditions, not the presents
If your kids are only thinking about what they’re going open on Christmas, it’s going to be a very long season. Try breaking things up by staying focused on one or two traditions a week. Bake cookies and treats one weekend, hang the decorations the next and voyage out to look at the lights another weekend. By stretching out the experience, your kids have something to look forward to that isn’t in a catalog or online.
Speaking of online …
This is a great time to implement screen time limits if you haven’t already. Yes, that includes both television and ipads/phones. Social media and television are already oversaturated with ads during a normal year—at Christmastime the ads become a deluge. Don’t even get me started on Black Friday. Do everything you can to minimize that exposure. Black Friday isn’t something any child needs to experience or even be aware of. Keep it that way as long as you can.
Limit in-person exposure
If you can—and understandably this can be a big ask—keep your kids away from malls and shopping centers during this season. Coronavirus implications aside, frantic shopping energy is contagious—and not in a good way. People running around trying to acquire as much as possible in a short amount of time is asking for trouble. Emotions run high, tempers are short, and it’s an all-around unpleasant place for a child to be. Bonus: Staying home prevents your child from seeing all those over-lit, catered-to-children displays that show them things they NEED RIGHT NOW, which they don’t really need at all.
Focus on giving
It is absolutely true that giving is addictive. When you do something kind for someone, it instantly gives you a feeling of warmth and love. Let your children experience the satisfaction and joy of providing presents for a child or family who don’t have much. Volunteer to distribute gifts or sing songs to residents in a retirement community. If you can incorporate these acts of kindness every year, that will become a tradition that focuses on the here and now and encourage an appreciation for the things your children might otherwise take for granted.
What’s up with Santa?
Somehow, Santa became the big gift giver of the season. As a child, I knew if my parents didn’t get me the gift I wanted, Santa would. That approach is all kinds of backwards. Parents are the ones who work hard each year for their children and families. The best presents should be from us! Santa can stuff stockings and eat the cookies, but ease up on the expectation for THE Santa gift. Instead, you might consider having Santa bring one gift for the entire family to enjoy. The rest are from you!
Implement the Five Gift Rule
You might have heard of the Four Gift Rule, which consists of one thing they want, one thing they need, one thing to wear and one thing to read. It’s a great rule, but I would like to petition a change. I would formally request we update to TWO things they want. I mean, c’mon, the kids have been through the ringer these last two years. The least we can do is bump up the fun things a bit without going overboard.
In the end, Christmas is about family and bringing everyone close together in love and appreciation for health and happiness. Whether anything is under the tree should be irrelevant, but we do live in the real world and want to offer gifts and presents. So let’s do it—within reason. Let’s lead with love and gratitude and not set our credit cards on fire with things we can’t afford to try to buy our kids’ love and affection. We’ll keep the focus right, and the rest of the holiday glow will fall into place.
Three Gift Traps at Christmas:
- Cheap stocking stuffers – Those soaps and creams in the discount aisle are garbage. They’re filled with chemicals that aren’t good for anyone, and they usually smell like a foot. A gift card for quality products will be much more appreciated.
- Too Many Christmases – Do everything in your power to condense how many Christmases your kids experience each season. It’s supposed to be a day, not a month-long tour. Of course there are times this simply can’t be avoided with blended families, but do what you can to tamp down the number.
- Last minute add-ons – You know how it goes. You’re D-O-N-E shopping but are suddenly hit with guilt on Christmas Eve morning that you didn’t do enough. Hear me out: You did enough! Stop.
Kim Antisdel is a freelance writer and interior design sales rep for KC. She lives in Liberty with her husband, stepdaughters and son.