Last month I attended a high school graduation party. The daughter of a former colleague of mine, Lindsey is a lovely girl, one I don't know too well, but from all accounts she is a superstar. She has a nearly perfect grade point average, has won state honors at forensics tournaments, is captain of the cheerleading squad, and is a gifted pianist. The list of achievements and accolades seems never ending. No wonder the top colleges are scrambling to sign her up.
Yet, watching Lindsey and her friends, the ones with the cell phones held to their ears and the cars that their parents bought for them parked in back, a tiny worry kept nagging at me, and continues to nag at me: In our zeal for raising the best and the brightest, have we forgotten something? Sure, we've done our best to provide the best in schooling, the best camps, and the best music lessons, just so our children can win the achievement race. But has all this bestowing of the best on our children given them a self-centered attitude, one that suggests that "I" come first above all else? Have we somehow forgotten to stress the importance of intangible virtues? Virtues which will never earn you a good grade or first place ribbon; virtues such as kindness, generosity, and selfless giving? Does it matter? I think it does; I hope it does.
Recently, our local news station ran a story on some exceptional volunteers. One of these was a 17-year-old high school student named Mike Stott.
According to the story, "At the start of his sophomore year, Mike noticed Kyle Watkins, a fellow classmate with Down Syndrome. Mike realized that Kyle could use a friend who would treat him like a regular teenager. Mike and Kyle did all kinds of things together. Mike taught Kyle how to play golf.
That activity turned into something unexpected -- a golf league for people with Down syndrome.
Another young teen, 14-year-old Whitney Buesgens, was honored for her volunteer work at Our House Hospice. This 14-year-old talks with people who are facing death. She reads to them and offers comfort. “Even when they're dying, they're happy to see me,” Whitney says. “Nobody likes death. They're all scared of it. But I'm not afraid. I'm the kid in the room who listens to them."
These are amazing examples of children who have looked outside themselves, and decided to do what they could do to make the world a better place. Not only are they making a difference in their community, they are in fact enriching their own lives. They've experienced the pure pleasure and satisfaction one feels when he or she does a good deed for another person.
It's a feeling no object or award can give you.
So, how did Mike and Whitney and other young people like them decide to reach beyond their cell phones and text messaging to help others? Listen to what 93 old Pearl Anderson, a volunteer at the local nursing home for 60 years has to say: "My parents were adamant about two things - pursuing an education, and sharing your blessings with those who don't have them."
Yes, we parents have work to do.
Do as I Do
Remember the Boy Scout Slogan: "Do a Good Turn Daily". Do a good deed, maybe 2 or 3 everyday, and make sure your kids see you doing it. Sweep the elderly neighbor's front step; put away that shopping cart that is in the middle of the parking lot. Thank the person who is bagging your groceries. No need to brag or make a big deal of it - just let your kids see what you are doing and let them know how good it feels to you.
Provide Opportunities
Give your children opportunities to "do a good turn daily". The next time your yard is full of leaves, hand your child a rake and tell him or her to rake the neighbor's lawn (in addition to your own). Sign the whole family up to work for Habitat for Humanity for an afternoon. Remind your child to pick up trash lying in the school hallway.
Take Notice
In his book, Nurturing Your Child Now: 10 Basic Skills to Protect and Strengthen your Child's Core Self , Dr. Ron Taffel suggests we point out the good deeds our children are doing everyday. "Praise your child when he is courteous to you or when he does something for another person. And be sure to point out when someone else is being kind. Get into the habit of asking yourself at least once a day, 'Have I pointed out any act of kindness today?'"
Big days Mean Big Opportunities for Kindness
Volunteer at a soup kitchen with your children on Thanksgiving. Visit a hospital to deliver gifts to children during Christmas. Have your child write a thank you note to someone special on his birthday.
Join up
Sign your child up for groups whose main mission is to do good deeds (along
with having fun). Groups such as Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, or the youth group at your church or synagogue are a good place to start.
Read all about it
Read with your children books about inspiring heroes such as Eleanor Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln. What made these people great? What good deeds did they do for others? You'll both find that their greatness lies in the good things they did for others.
Give unto others
Most of us give money or goods to charity. Let your children know which charities you are supporting and why. Let them be part of the decision making process.
The well-known psychologist, Carl Jung, said, "It is only our deeds that reveal who we are." I want my children's deeds to reveal to themselves and to others the great and wonderful beings that they truly are. Time to get busy!