By Peggy Gisler and Marge Eberts
Resolving Difficult Bullying Situations
Question: My fourth-grade daughter is being bullied at her school by another child in her class. The bullying has been going on since this child transferred to my daughter’s school this past November. She pulls her hair and has isolated her from all her other friends.
We have talked to the principal, and he always talks to both girls and now has them sitting at a small table together. This has made the situation worse. This girl takes my daughter’s lunch and money. The last straw came when another child in the class told the teacher that the girl was bullying my daughter. The teacher replied, “You are being a tattletale and should not get involved because it is not your problem!” – Frustrated and Mad
Answer: We are guessing that you have also talked to the teacher. If not, this should have been your first step. However, it does not appear that either the principal or teacher have an interest in or know how to stop the bullying. Another person who might be able to stop the bullying is a school counselor if one is available at the school or district level.
In this situation, it is important that you become conversant with your state’s specific laws against bullying. All states, except Montana, have them. They usually spell out the specific behaviors that constitute bullying, such as teasing, physical violence and theft. They may also require schools to develop policies to prohibit bullying and enforce that prohibition. There are no federal laws that apply to bullying unless it overlaps with discriminatory harassment based on race, color, national origin, sex, disability or religion.
Because neither the teacher nor principal has resolved this situation, your next step is to contact the superintendent. Beyond this, there is the school board and the State Department of Education. If the bullying is extremely severe, you may wish to contact an education attorney who will know what steps need to be taken legally to stop this bullying. This is a last-ditch step. We have known families who have resolved their child’s being bullied by transferring the child to another school. There is also the possibility of discussing the bullying with the bully’s family if it can be done in a non-confrontational manner. Right now, you need to request that the bully no longer sit by your daughter as a way to stop some of the bullying.
It is up to you to help your child deal with this bullying until it stops. There are excellent books and a website that are especially for children who are being bullied. We suggest that you have your daughter read How to Handle Bullies, Teasers and Other Meanies by Rainbow Books Inc. and Simon’s Hook, by GR Publishing. She should also view the activities at PacerKidsAgainstBullying.org. Both will show her solid and effective ways to react to bullying.
Do arrange playdates for your daughter with other children in her class to reconnect her with peers. Having friends makes a bullied child feel better, and having friends around her will discourage bullying.
Silencing the Overly Talkative Student
Question: Her teachers complain that my fifth-grader tends to visit or talk in class rather than listen to what is going on. This not-new habit is resulting in lower grades this year. How is it possible to break this bad habit? – Intervention Needed
Answer: Teachers do become frustrated when students are not listening in class. Listening is a real information provider. Did you realize that from 50 percent to 75 percent of students’ time in the classroom is spent listening to the teacher, other students and audio media presentations? Now that your daughter’s grades are being affected, it is time to work with her on curbing her talking in class.
Try to find the reason she talks so much in class. Is it boredom, sitting by a talkative friend or to get attention? By finding out why, you can begin to prevent and address her behavior. The next step is to ask her how this problem can be solved. If she can’t come up with any solutions, you can suggest some: changing her seat, writing down what she is going to say instead of talking, and clasping her hands together. The most satisfactory solution, of course, is for her to come up with ways she can curb her excessive talking in class.
Do observe how your child handles conversations. If she is an interrupter, practice having back-and-forth conversations with her.
Parents should send questions and comments to DearTeacher@DearTeacher.com and to learn more about helping their children succeed in school visit the DearTeacher website.
©Compass Syndicate Corporation, 2022
As always, please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns.