It’s a special moment when you bring your warm, snuggly newborn home. Welcoming this whole new person into your life seems surreal, but gritty reality sets in pretty quickly when you realize your infant speaks in what seems to be a foreign language of cries.
Babies are needy little beings and use crying as their only way to communicate to us. It is up to parents to decode what these cries mean because they do indeed communicate different needs such as hunger, fatigue, pain and a need for comfort. And lest you think too early that you’ve mastered the messages, remember that as babies grow older, they learn to communicate and self-regulate differently—which means crying changes and carries different meanings throughout different stages.
According to the well-loved What to Expect When You’re Expecting book, babies have seven types of cries. Knowing your baby’s basic schedule and checking things off the list are the first steps in determining why he is crying and what he may need. Because crying is his only way to communicate for the first few months, you will definitely receive your fair share of practice and, before you know it, you’ll be an expert in your baby’s communication. This is an important point too: Each baby is unique, and caregivers will become fluent in the specific cries and needs expressed by them, just as caregivers are better able than a passerby to understand a toddler’s babble.
I was a pretty “strict schedule” mom with my babies, which makes you a slave to nap times but also helps with decoding Baby’s cries and being able to anticipate and sometimes avoid them altogether. Here are seven questions to ask yourself:
- Is Baby hungry? We’ve all heard the expression “hangry,” which is how babies feel much of the time they are awake. We’ve all been there!
- Is Baby tired? New parents should understand this feeling too. Sometimes babies just get overtired and need help getting back to sleep.
- How’s Baby’s diaper? Does it need to be changed? Newborns require frequent changes in those first few weeks.
- Does Baby want some attention or affection? This may also mean that she wants someone familiar too. A sweet viral video shows a crying infant calming down when given Mom’s shirt, simply because it smelled like her.
- Is Baby uncomfortable? Babies are completely dependent on us so make sure they aren’t too hot or cold. Baby may also be in an uncomfortable position or tired of a certain position like tummy time or sitting in the Bumbo.
- Is Baby sick or in pain? Maybe Baby is cutting teeth or has an ear infection. I used to unscientifically determine my babies had ear infections when they would wake up three nights in a row (after they had been sleeping through the night). Changes in typical behavior can be a sign that something may be amiss.
- The feared colic cry is another possibility. Looking back, I think my middle son had colic, and we didn’t realize it. When all needs are met and even the primary caregiver/parent can’t calm the baby down for hours, colic may be the culprit. I would refer to a pediatrician to determine whether this is, indeed, the case.
Jen Armstrong, mother of two, suggests checking out Priscilla Dunstan’s research on decoding Baby’s cries. “We had fun trying this out when Sam was a baby, and it was usually accurate!” she says. Sarah Prescott, mother of three and family support worker at Children’s Home & Aid Central Region, utilizes Dunstan’s research too, sharing video from Dunstan’s appearance on Oprah with all her prenatal moms before their babies are born.
However, parenting is challenging, and all babies are different. Karen Hepp, mother of four, honestly admits, “I’ve had four babies and I’m not sure I ever cracked the code. Nursing is a cure-all for sure, but mentally I'd run through the options. Hungry? Nurse or bottle. Dirty diaper? Change them. Bored? Move them. Over stimulated? Carry them into a quiet room. Do they just need cuddles? Then just hold that baby as long as they need you and then maybe a little more nursing!” Heidi Murray, mother of three, agrees, “Nursing fixes everything!”
I have loved the baby stage my whole life, and my husband used to laugh at me because I could pretty much guess how old a baby was in a store by what her cry sounded like. Newborns sound like little kittens, and toddlers can sound like monsters because their cries are often expressing their dramatic emotions. Then there’s the phantom cry only heard when you’re away from your baby, perhaps in the shower or on a coveted night out with your spouse! Those you just have to ignore.
Stephanie Loux is the mother of three babies that all decided to keep growing up, including Layla, 9, Mason, 7, and Slade, 4.
As always, please consult your health care provider with any questions or concerns.