From the moment your baby is born, the world is upside down. Nighttime, daytime, lunchtime; they’re all just random numbers on a clock. Arguably, one of the biggest new baby hurdles is bedtime. Every parent eagerly awaits the moment Baby closes his eyes for bed and doesn’t make a peep until the next morning. It may seem like a far-off prospect, like an uninterrupted shower, but it will happen. When it finally does, prepare for it to go a little something like this.
7:30 p.m.- Final bottle. New diaper. Rock the baby. Sing to the baby.
7:45 p.m.- Baby drifts off to sleep. Put Baby in fresh jammies and lay him in the crib. Breathe in your baby’s delicious smell. Stand over crib and stare at your beautiful angel for just a few minutes more.
8:15 p.m.- Settle down with a glass of wine and a good book. True crime thriller. This is gonna be good.
8:16 p.m.- Fall asleep.
8:42 p.m.- Wake up from dog barking. Still on page 1 of book. Vow to start reading it tomorrow.
9:15 p.m.- Put on pajamas and settle down in bed. Double check monitor. Baby hasn’t moved. Pat yourself on back. You’re doing so good!
9:23 p.m.- Tiptoe into Baby’s room and carefully glance over the crib. Baby squirms. He’s ok. Thumbs up!
9:36 p.m.- Lie awake and wonder … did you actually see the baby squirm? Or did you just think you did? Better check.
9:42 p.m.- Tiptoe back into Baby’s room and hold finger under Baby’s nose to check for breath. All is well. Return to bed.
10:15 p.m.- Sit up. Check monitor to make sure it’s showing a live picture. HOW IS HE STILL SLEEPING? Vow to check on him in 20 minutes.
1:18 a.m.- Wake up. Check monitor. Whoa, what is happening? Still asleep? Is that possible? Too tired to overthink it—drift off to sleep.
1:50 a.m.- Go to Baby’s room, not even tiptoeing this time. Make a little extra noise, in fact. Baby is asleep.
1:52 a.m.- Get back in bed bewildered. Google “when will baby sleep through the night?” Go down rabbit hole of stories—tragic and happy—that ultimately end with your donating to at least three Go Fund Me accounts.
1:58 a.m.- Attempt to sleep. Think good thoughts. Think warm thoughts. This is what you’ve been begging for. To get good, restful, glorious sleep. So just do it already!
2:07 a.m.- Calculate how many minutes of sleep you’ll get if you fall asleep right this second.
2:17 a.m.- Sign up for a 5K. You’re totally starting training tomorrow.
2:25 a.m.- Check monitor. Okay, he’s sleeping like a champ! Is this a new thing? Is it going to last? Surely not. There’s no way it can. It can’t be real. He’s going to wake up any moment.
5:35 a.m.- Sit straight up in bed. It is FIVE THIRTY-FIVE. He is still asleep!
5:40 a.m.- Get cup of coffee. Hear Baby cooing through the monitor.
6:00 a.m.- Pick up a happy baby. Start your day knowing everything changes from here.
Kim Antisdel is a freelance writer and interior design sales rep for KC. She lives in Liberty with her husband, stepdaughters and toddler son.