Excited to be a new parent? You absolutely should be—it’s an exciting new chapter. Also terrified as you are responsible for a totally dependent tiny human? I’d be worried if you weren’t. Much like marriage or a general significant relationship, no definitive guidebook or instruction manual tells us how to deal with the difficult things. We get lots of advice from the people around us, but unfortunately, like relationships, all babies are different.
You have a new human to take care of and, in the beginning, he has one way (though with multiple inflections) to communicate all things. Crying. And babies do it a lot. The frustration you and your partner experience with each cry seems to be tied to the amount of sleep you are getting. This is also normal.
As excited as you might be to have this baby, the accompanying feelings of confusion, frustration, a little (or a lot of) helplessness, and totally terror are normal. It’s easy to feel alone when you are experiencing these emotions. Here are a few tips to survive and thrive in your baby’s first year.
- Find a community to support your questions.
- Don’t be afraid to call your doctor, friends, parents, neighbors or anyone else you feel comfortable asking questions. It helps to know people who have been there and done that—whether you find them online, at a support group or just in an individual. Talk to people, don’t hold frustration in.
- Form a list of experienced moms to bounce concerns off. Google is a great resource, but when it comes to concerns with new babies, I found way too much information in the search engine, and my anxiety got worse.
- Find a time to make food.
- Food is something so many people lose track of. The meals from outside people will run out eventually. Make a plan with either your partner or someone else to care for Baby while you get food ready. Do freezer meals or take some time to prep as far out as you can. This will drastically ease frustration because so often babies seem intent on keeping you from cooking.
- Remember to eat. If you are nursing or pumping, you’ll eat as much as you did during pregnancy. Or at least I did. I found a lot of times I didn’t realize I needed food and I got frustrated. Just remember to eat.
- Eating healthy takes time and effort. The healthier you eat, the better you’ll feel physically to take care of your new baby.
- Plan small chunks of time away from your baby.
- This can be hard to grasp as a new mom or dad. You are afraid to be further than a couple of rooms away from your baby. Let me tell you, even a 30-minute mental break to walk helps. Drastically. Find someone you trust to watch the baby while you get a couple minutes away from the house.
- Babies make everything a task. Get the bag ready, make sure you have the stroller, blankets, snacks and toys. Lug everything to the car, make sure the car isn’t too hot—so many things. Taking the baby out and showing him off is fun, but a quick, quiet dinner date is so relaxing.
- If you didn’t get my point, mental breaks are needed to be a better parent.
- Communicate more than necessary with your spouse/partner.
- Your world and relationship just got more complicated. With lack of sleep, frustration rises more easily and quickly for both of you. We tend to automatically assume the other knows what we need or are thinking. Your partner doesn’t. If you need something, voice it. Food, drink, a small break, laundry, whatever. Let it be known.
- Communicate expectations. Babies come with a lot of small tasks, new habits, and to-do’s. We get frustrated when we expect others to help out. Things still need to get done around the house, errands need to be run and new items need to be stocked in the pantry. Things just don’t happen as smoothly. Find the way that works best to keep communication open.
- Establish routines.
- The faster you can get systems and routines set, the smoother things will get. This is probably the last thing on your mind as a new parent, but it will make a difference. Babies and growing kids thrive on routines.
- Know that the routine might get thrown out the window and roll with it.
Kids are hard. The beginning stages are the hardest. And it would seem that’s when you are the least ready. Trust and believe you can do it. Breathe deeply and follow your gut. Don’t be afraid to say no to things. If you are someone who doesn’t like to accept help, you should start.
Lauren Dreher lives in Stilwell, KS, with her husband and two toddlers.
As always, please consult your health care provider with any questions or concerns.