Five years ago our life was finally starting to get easier. Our three boys, then ages 4, 6 and 8, could buckle themselves in the van, feed themselves, tie their shoes and wipe their own noses. We were getting pieces of our old life back. My husband was running marathons and I was able to get more involved mentoring young women. Yet, when we would sit down for dinner as a family, I would see the empty chair. Five seats filled, one sitting empty. I couldn’t help but think we had room for one more. I would mention this to my husband who would look at me like I had lost my mind. We were finally getting a little breathing space in our lives, he would say.
I began to pray, and after about six months I became convinced God wanted to add to our family through adoption. When I told my husband, he informed me God had had no such conversation with him. So I asked him to think about it and pray but his answer was no! He suspected what God might ask of him so he wasn’t going to ask. Now I knew if I nagged I would win, but on something this big and important I didn’t want to just win. I wanted us to both to be on the same page, dreaming the same dream and longing for a child who needed us. So I waited – a long time. Two years later, on my 40th birthday, I gently reminded him we were not getting any younger, so he reluctantly agreed to “just explore” an informational meeting. Incredibly, that was all it took and he felt the calling too.
We were both nervous and scared, fearful and unsure. Most worrisome, could we love an adopted child as much as we loved our biological boys? In the final analysis, though, all those fears and insecurities somehow seemed normal. And ultimately, after talking to other adoptive families, we knew they were not true show stoppers. We would later discover that, just as with the children born to us, we would fall more deeply in love with our adopted child every day.
But what about the boys? What would they think of all of this? From very early on we believed it was important to include our boys in the decision making and the entire process. After some time to think, they were on board, but our two youngest had one request, a sister….PLEASE. So it would be!
The process of adoption itself is never easy and it challenges and develops your faith. The long journey provided the time for our hearts to grow and learn and become deeply committed to waiting for that child that was meant for our family. Our three boys prayed almost nightly for the sister they had never met. The waiting became a season of struggling to trust and believe God. Some nights my youngest son would beg God to bring us his sister fast! In God’s timing, fast became two years and we finally got the call for a little girl waiting in Ethiopia.
What an amazing journey it has been since that call. We now have a little 1-year-old angel, Lulit, to fill that sixth chair in our dining room, and she has a family. How richly blessed we all are for the love that has grown in our family and for the expansion of our horizons and limitations. For the boys especially it has been a priceless growth experience. Daily they race through the door after school so full of excitement to see their sister. Even more, they have learned that it does matter what is happening on the other side of the globe and that we can make a difference. We believed it was crucial to for our boys to develop this understanding and to travel with us to Ethiopia to bring their sister home. We wanted them to understand the beauty of Lulit’s homeland, meet the warm and loving people there and begin to understand the heritage she brings to us. Our family is now forever part of Ethiopia, and Ethiopia a part of us.
In our experience it seems that families adopt children primarily for one of two reasons: to create a family for themselves or to provide a family for another. I think both reasons are wonderful and God will bless the love in either case. For others, however, it seems that the fears and insecurities that almost stopped us at square one are also stopping them, and they may indeed miss out on one of the most amazing blessings of their lifetime. I have been told that there are somewhere around four million orphans in Ethiopia alone, so the need is great. The potential blessing that God wants to provide to the world through adoption is also great, but one has to listen and open one’s heart.
Five years ago we were in love with the idea of adoption but unwilling to sacrifice some comfort and security and lacking the guts to follow through. I’m glad we finally somehow found the courage because now we have Lulit, “precious gem,” and she is the crowning jewel of our family.
Kay and Joe Heikes have been home from Ethiopia with their daughter Lulit for nine months. They live in Olathe with her and their 3 sons.