Oh, hey there, Mom and Dad. We’re babies, and we want to be happy. No really. We know you—our parents—think that all we do is cry, whine, wet and be miserable. But really? We just want to be happy. We prefer cooing over crying, and we certainly dig belly laughs over belly aching.
You just gotta crack our code.
In the past, we’ve relied on books and blogs to trickle this information to you slowly, so you can digest it in small chunks. But times are tough. We can’t rely on you to read the books, so we’re going to give you the keys to the baby contentment kingdom as you read this magazine waiting for our 3-month appointment. (Spoiler alert: The shots are going to make us cry.)
We’ll keep it quick. Pay close attention. You might just learn something that gets you a few hours more rest, and wouldn’t that be great for all of us?
We like real talk
Would you believe baby talk doesn’t have to be all “goo goo” and “ga ga”? We babies are smart, and we can handle the big words. Even more importantly, we like variety in words. Mix it up! Talk to us like we’re adults. (Don’t tell us about mortgage rates, though. Save that for the teen years.) We want to hear real conversations with cadence and inflection because it helps prepare us for actual conversations in the future. It’s still okay to use that fun sing-song voice with change in tone and pitch, though, because it keeps us engaged. The bottom line? Open that mouth of yours and tell us what’s up in your world. We’re listening.
We are really not into strangers
Before you freak out, we don’t want you to feel bad if you have to take us to daycare. Full stop, that’s not the issue here. What we don’t love is seeing handfuls of people left and right for days at a time. After all, we’re still learning all about the world outside (where everything is so loud), and our parents are the ones we feel the closest to. Did you know that even in the early months we can actually get a little bit of separation anxiety? (Just like the dog you had to get that licks our forehead constantly.) Please keep visits—with friends, family, grandparents, neighbors, cousins and strangers—short and return us to your arms ASAP.
Let’s get physical
Babies looooove touch. It’s our literal fave, and you cannot overdo it. We exited the womb after being rolled up like a sardine in cozy goodness, and let us tell you, that departing flight had some serious turbulence. Give us a break and keep us snuggled close. Have you ever noticed when we’re crying, swaddling us up nice and tight calms us down? Or when you carry us in that pricey baby sling you got at your shower that we’re instantly relaxed? It’s that magic touch and closeness. Human touch. We need it, we crave it, and we gotta have it. The good news is hospitals encourage skin to skin contact now, and that’s a great start. Keep it up at home and we’ll be cruisin’ for a snoozin’.
Speaking of snoozing
Look, we’re babies and don’t want lawsuits, so we’ll keep this advice short, but we will tell you this–every baby is different. Some babies need lots of sleep. Other babies don’t need as much. What we would really love is for you to not lose your mind over the number of hours we’re getting. It’s pretty hard to mess us up, promise. When we’re tired, we’ll sleep. And yes, there will be times when we need to sleep and we just don’t want to because, hey, we’re babies and we enjoy keeping you on your toes and scratching your head. Just wait till we’re teenagers!
As we grow, it’s up to you how you sleep train us, not your nosy neighbor or a well-meaning grandparent. You’re our parents, and you know what’s up. Stand your ground, do your best, and we’ll be happy. Believe us, we aren’t going to go off to college complaining about how we were sleep trained. We’ll be too busy being mad you didn’t get us the car we wanted.
One more thing on sleeping
We. Love. The. Dark. And soft, white noise. And also the dark. Black dark. Heavy dark. Remember that womb we exited? Make our room just like that. Get yourself to that store you love with the bright lights and all the aisles filled with food and toys and get us a noise machine. Then go to the home section and get the darkest curtains you can find. Make our room a cocoon of darkness and calming sounds. Then watch us yawn and get verrrry sleeeeeepy and verrryyy happppyyyy and … zzzzzzzzzz…
Make us work
We know you hate to see us struggle, but we’re happiest when we figure those tough things out for ourselves. Let us explore, grab and taste. Allow our eyes to wander and settle on whatever captures our attention in that moment. Watch us and take videos as our world gets bigger each and every day.
Let us learn to entertain ourselves. You don’t have to do it all; take a break already. It’s okay if we cry in frustration at first, because that’s how we learn to figure out something else to do. We first have to get mad and cry before we break through to something new. (If only there was an insightful expression about learning to crawl before you walk or something—we’ll get to work on that.)
We love the magic of you
This might be hard to hear, but we don’t love nor do we need a giant birthday party. Or 100 gifts on our first Christmas. Don’t bend yourself in half to ensure we experience every imaginable thing on earth there is for a baby to experience. We’re simple folk. We want you. Your smiles, your laughs and even your horrible impression of a choo-choo train delivering green beans into our mouths. (Do you really believe we’re convinced that’s a train? We weren’t born yesterday for the most part.)
Give us love, give us snuggles and give us a home where we feel safe. That’s all it takes.
Does This Make Us Happy?
Routine: Oh baby, did you hit the jackpot. We crave predictable behavior, and you’ve got to provide it to us. We love knowing what will happen and when.
Television: Eh, not really. There is science out there to say we definitely don’t need it, so try to keep it to a minimum. Like everything though, do what works for you and put the guilt down if you let us watch a little of the boob tube.
Expensive toys: Just no. If it’s expensive, it just means we’re going to break it twice as fast. Give us simple shapes, blocks, puzzles, pots and pans, and loveys that make squeaks and chirps. Heaven, we tell you! Total heaven! Bonus points if you play along with us!
Kim Antisdel is a freelance writer and interior design sales rep for KC. She lives in Liberty with her husband, stepdaughters and son.