Five keys to improving your relationships with the ones you love most
We would all love for the relationship we have with our families to grow stronger and deeper with passing time. It seems like a reasonable goal, but it doesn’t just happen on its own. You might have found some of your past efforts didn’t work out so well, or perhaps you don’t know how to go about giving your family dynamic a boost.
Jeremy Brownlee, a father of four who is also the family pastor at Abundant Life Church in Lee’s Summit, suggests five concepts to help create stronger family bonds.
1. Dedicate intentional time.
“We live in a time when most of us multitask so frequently, but you can’t multitask parenting well,” Brownlee says. “Parenting bonds require intentional time.”
Brownlee says making a difference doesn’t require long periods of time. He suggests you can start by scheduling various sessions of five uninterrupted minutes with your children, and it can be something as simple as walking to the mailbox without distractions. From there, the intentional time can grow.
When local mom Tamra Hoffman and her husband attended a family camp last summer with their two girls, they began to realize the importance of having more intentional time together in order to build a stronger family bond.
“We realized that it’s not just enough to be together, but we need to be intentional with the time and listen to one another, especially us as the parents,” Hoffman says. “We need to be better examples of compassion and understanding for our girls.”
As a result, Hoffman has worked to reduce the amount of screen time in her home and is seeking to spend one-on-one time with each of her daughters. One way she is accomplishing this is by allowing her older daughter to explore cooking in their kitchen.
2. Create unique experiences.
Family activities and experiences don’t have to be extravagant or expensive to be meaningful. Brownlee says important experiences can be as simple as serving Popsicles on a fancy tray or having a fast-food picnic. The goal is simply to do something outside the normal pattern of life for your family. It’s these times that your kids will remember and treasure.
3. Focus on effective communication.
Our children might not communicate in the same manner we do, and we need to learn how our children best express themselves.
Just like anyone, some children are extroverts and clearly state exactly what they are thinking. Others aren’t initially as vocal with their thoughts and opinions, and it might take some digging on your part to get them to open up. When a child communicates differently than you, it requires you to learn to appreciate how they are trying to tell you what’s on their mind.
4. Seek to achieve understanding.
In addition to sometimes assuming our kids will communicate in the same way as we do, we also sometimes conclude they will act and think in the same way we do. In reality, most members of every family think and act differently at times. This often requires asking questions about our children’s thoughts and feelings in order to understand what motivates them. Once you have discovered their perspective, it will give you greater insight into why your children act in certain ways, which in turn can help address problem behaviors when necessary.
5. Love with sacrifice.
We can say we love our families, but it’s more meaningful when we take action to prove it to them.
“Outward expression of service to one another drives a deeper bond into our family units,” Brownlee says.
Intentionally performing acts of service, whether large or small, for members of your family is bound to result in increased appreciation of your relationships. Again, it doesn’t have to be extravagant. Go out of the way to serve your children a special meal at home or help them build something they would like to make. Encourage your children to serve by helping with chores or by giving up something they want to do one evening in order to support a sibling at a concert or event that day.
Of course, in order to accomplish these things and achieve a stronger family bond, we must prioritize our families in the busyness of life and be sure we are placing the value on them that they deserve. That often involves slowing down.
“The biggest problem of struggle is how busy we are culturally,” Brownlee says. “When everything is important, nothing is important.”
As you seek to dedicate more time, create unique experiences, focus on effective communication, seek to achieve understanding and love with sacrifice, Brownlee also encourages families to seek the value in each member of the family and build on it. When that happens, everyone in the family will feel stronger and able to contribute more to the world because of the encouragement of the family.
Simple, fun and full of experience
Creating unique experiences is a key to stronger families, and here are a few ideas to create meaningful memories.
- Take a drive and explore a new place that isn’t too far from home.
- Cook a unique meal together.
- Go for a hike or bike ride.
- Pack a picnic and find a special place outdoors to enjoy it.
- Make up a family game.
Allison Gibeson is a Lee’s Summit writer and mom, and her favorite way to create unique experiences with her family is to explore new places together.