Children are naturally curious about the world around them. Some dive in headfirst, and others are a bit more standoffish. All will experience some sort of anxiety as they explore. Each blooming personality will face things in its own way, and when you show your little ones that it’s okay to feel a bit nervous when having to sing in a recital or take a spelling test, they will handle what comes at them with courage.
You can employ plenty of activities and strategies to help your children learn to stay calm. For example, stay busy. Build a Lego town and focus on each piece. There is something incredibly mindful about this simple activity, which is why it’s been calming children for generations.
To wind down at any age, take a bath. Make today a bubble bath kind of day. Play some music or read to your child while she’s soaking.
Mindful coloring is an awesome way to spend time quietly. You can sit down and color together. You’ll both find therapy in shading, staying in the lines—or not—choosing favorite colors, combining patterns and ending up with something unique to hang on the wall or the fridge.
There’s no substitute for the multisensory experience of settling into a comfy chair and escaping for a time into a fantastic story. It is one-on-one time that gives you the opportunity to teach and connect. Audiobooks are great also. Play a fun story while your children squish around some play dough or help you cook up some spaghetti. Listening will occupy their minds and keep negative thoughts out. Petting a dog or cat also has a reliably calming effect, and their unconditional love will make any situation easier to get through. If you don’t have a pet, try a soft stuffed animal.
Older children can write down what they are feeling. If they don’t know where to start, give them a little prompt. For example, I feel sad because …, I feel angry because …, I feel worried because …, I feel happy because …, I feel scared because … or I feel excited because…. Leave them to their own thoughts or go through their responses together.
Go outside! A change of scenery is a big help when life is closing in. Go on a scavenger hunt or plant a garden. Go for a bike ride or nature walk. Talk about how the birds are always singing and carefree, or the squirrels run here and there and enjoy their lives. We people can do that too.
My daughter has taught her little boys to take a deep breath then blow it out on their hands. She’s also had them hold a tissue in front of their mouths, so when they blow that breath out, it flutters. This centering activity helps when a loud car goes by, fireworks are going off or they just simply can’t stay still.
Try the turtle exercise to release muscle tension. Oh no, it’s started to rain! Curl up tight under your shell for about 10 seconds. The sun is out again, so it’s time to come out of your shell and return to your relaxing walk. Repeat this a few times, making sure to finish with a walk so your body is relaxed.
Make your own stress balls. It’s a proven fact that if you squeeze with your hands, tension melts. Fill balloons with dry lentils or rice. Take the ball in your hand and squeeze and release. Find a way that is right for your child, adjusting the speed, pressure and timing of squeezes to whatever you like.
Think about a happy spot. Teaching your children that they can think about a happy place or another pleasant thought is a form of mindsight. It’s always important to acknowledge big feelings, but shifting temporarily can prevent an emotional meltdown. The Whole Brain Child explains that showing kids that one thought or feeling is just one part of them is a powerful technique. When your child is starting to experience a big feeling, try asking, “Do you want to think about this now, or would you rather think about swimming later?” Knowing how to take a step back and re-center, how to take a breath and recognize our emotions is a vital life skill. If we can teach our children how to handle these big emotions—anxiety, worry, frustration, anger—we prepare them for the trials and hiccups that will come throughout life.
Think about how you deal with your feelings. Do you go for a run, do some yoga, exercise or listen to music? These are all helpful tactics that help you process and deal with your emotions. What if we taught our children these skills? It might drastically cut down that out-of-control feeling, tantrums, tension and even tears they experience.
Judy Goppert lives in Lee’s Summit. She enjoys drawing on her personal experiences to write about the nuances of everything wonderful about life.
Sources: MyKidsTime.com, SaveTheChildren.org