Remember the days before kids? There were unlimited date nights, uninterrupted sleep and time to talk with your spouse and relax. Now, as parents, your life revolves around diapers, Cocomelon and carpooling, leaving very little time for your relationship. We’ve created a list of ways stay connected to your spouse, no matter how busy your schedule is.
Text throughout the day
A quick text to your spouse is a great way to check in and see how their day is going. You can flirt through text or just let them know they’re on your mind.
Do chores together
It might not seem romantic, but doing the most mundane household chores together can give you just enough time to catch up with each other every night. One of you can wash the dishes, while the other dries them. My husband and I do this often with the laundry. We go into our room with a freshly dried basket of laundry and talk while we fold.
Wake up early
One way to spend some alone time as parents is to change up your schedule and wake up earlier or stay up later. Set your alarm just 30 minutes earlier, so you can drink your coffee together in the morning or stay up 30 minutes later each night to watch your favorite Netflix show together.
Schedule dates
It’s important to get quality time with your spouse without kids. Schedule weekly, bi-weekly or monthly date nights. Mark it on each of your calendars, so you don’t end up planning something on that date. Do your best to keep the date set in stone. Also, go ahead and plan the babysitter for that night. When you already have the babysitter booked, that’s one less obstacle keeping you from going on the date.
Leave sweet notes
My husband works crazy hours, so we often go days without connecting and seeing each other in person. I like to leave a sweet note in his car, so he will see it in the morning on his way to work. When he has an especially long or stressful day coming up, I like to leave his favorite snack and energy drink in the car ready for him. It starts his day off on the right foot and lets him know I’m thinking about him.
Communicate your needs
Communication is key in a relationship. Don’t assume your spouse knows what you are wanting or needing out of your relationship. I tend to hint at what I want, and when my husband misreads my hints, I get upset. I’ve learned to tell him exactly what I’m feeling right up front.
Learn to say no
Life with kids is hectic. It’s important to set boundaries for your family. One way of doing this is by learning to say no. We carefully evaluate every activity our kids join to make sure it won’t leave us feeling spread too thin as a family. Sometimes the quality time as a family is more important than the time an activity takes away from your family. My husband spends a lot of time away from home for work, so we have learned to say no to birthday parties, family gatherings and other extra commitments during our busiest seasons. This has helped with our stress levels and, in turn, our relationship. When life starts to slow down, we pick up and start saying yes again.
Learn their love language
One thing that has helped our marriage is finding out each other’s love language. While reading about love languages, I realized not everyone feels loved in the same way. My husband thought his chores around the house showed his love for me, while I would have much rather spent some quality time with him.
Enjoy alone time
As much as I love spending time with my husband, as a busy mom I need time to myself. I’ve found that taking an hour or two to myself on a Sunday afternoon to run errands brings back my sanity and allows me to be more present with my husband and kids for the week. Remember, your cup must be filled before you can pour yourself into others.
Plan date nights at home
Time doesn’t always allow for date nights out on the town, but you can always plan date nights at home. Some of my favorite date nights have been at home. We like to make ourselves a cocktail and stream a movie we didn’t make to the theater to see. We’ve also done subscription game boxes that were really fun. Another idea would be to enjoy a drink out on the deck and watch the sunset. You can also plan a game night with other couples for a fun double date. Every weekend we also take a morning drive to our favorite coffee shop and then go for a long walk. The kids are with us, but they usually run ahead a bit, and we can enjoy a little quiet time together.
Make evenings phone-free
It’s easy to come home from work and find yourself staring at your phone and not even realizing it. A quick email from work, a phone call to a friend or simply checking your social media accounts can leave you feeling disconnected from your spouse. When you are with your spouse, do your best to lay the phone down and give them your undivided attention.
Enjoy the season you’re in
You might be in the busiest stage of parenting, but remember the time you have with little ones at home goes quickly. The season you’re in won’t last forever, so do your best to enjoy it while you can. Soak in the cuddles, giggles and kisses and remember you have your spouse on your side to help you get through the hard moments.
Regan Lyons is a girl mom and freelance writer. She lives with her husband, Cale, and daughters Atley, 9, and Ensley, 2, in St. Joseph, Missouri.