I think we could all agree that marriage in and of itself is hard. Factor in children and the complexities of life, and letting your relationship shift to the back burner is all too easy. For many, marriage very easily can start to feel more like a friendship or roommate relationship if we don’t carefully nurture it. We nurture our relationships with our kids, our extended families and our friends. So why should the relationship with our spouse be any different? But when life is so busy, chaotic and nutty, how do we stop to connect with our spouses?
Although it seems very basic, simply showing an interest in your spouse and his life can make a big difference. Cari, a homeschooling mom of three children, says, “Overall, I try to stay interested in and connected to my husband's life outside the home. I keep track of what's going on at work so he can share things with me without having to give me a big back story.”
Stacey, a mom of six (soon to be seven), shares her and her husband’s secret. “It comes down to priorities. Each week we sit down with our calendars and look at the plan for the week ahead. We walk through all the scheduling commitments, but also ensure we have penciled in time for our marriage and family. If we are not intentional about scheduling time for family fun, as well as time together, it’s likely not to happen. Because our marriage matters more than any of those things on our calendar, we want our lives to reflect that.”
Tecia, a mom of four children, says appreciating what you have in common and making even small amounts of time available to share in those activities together is important. Try her approach and pick one of the dates below to try out this month!
- Arboretum. A beautiful nugget in Overland Park not to be missed.
- Bible study. Our very own Margaret Sarver does a study with her hubs through their Bible app. They don’t have to do it together but can read each other’s thoughts and messages.
- Car wash. Yes, this simple, mundane task is a great way to steal a few minutes away with your spouse!
- Dishes. Doing them together is way more fun than doing them alone.
- Eat. Out or in, just pick something you both enjoy!
- Fly a kite. KCParent.com has great options for kite flying parks in Kansas and Missouri.
- Greet. Cari says, “I always stop what I'm doing, smile at and greet my husband when he walks in the door...even when it feels like Armageddon at our house!”
- Honey-do list. Knock out those projects together!
- Ice cream. Check out Subzero Nitrogen or Freezing Moo.
- Jigsaw puzzle. Once the kids are in bed, grab a snack and settle in.
- Kiss. Make it a movie star one!
- Lunch. Steal away for a middle-of-the-day meal.
- Movie. Don’t forget the treats!
- Notes. Leave a special note on the mirror or in the car.
- Outdoors. Head out for a picnic in the park.
- Paint. Tap into your inner artist at a couple’s paint night at Thirsty Palette.
- Quiet. Have a quick cuddle.
- Read to each other. Or pick the same book to discuss.
- Sporting event. Forever Royal, right?!
- Text a thoughtful message. Cari says, “It's little things like this that help me feel loved and remembered in the middle of a busy day.”
- Uno Attack. It’s a great family game, but my husband and I love playing once the kids have gone to bed!
- Video. Whether it be a home movie, rented disc or YouTube stream, curl up under a blanket and enjoy.
- War. As in Nerf gun war!
- eXercise. Go for a hike or even just a walk around the neighborhood.
- Yes. Say, “Yes!” to a unique or fun opportunity.
- Zzzzzz. Nap!
In the course of everyday life, losing sight of what brought you and your spouse together in the first place is all too easy, but Stacey shares, “No matter how you look at it, marriage takes work and commitment, time and effort.” Cari agrees: “It takes work, but it's so worth it. I am constantly reminding myself that we'll only have children in our house for a few more years. My husband will always be ‘in my house,’ so my relationship with him must be the priority.”
Julie Collett writes from Overland Park, where she and her husband need to up their “creative connection” game!
If you have never done so, take the Five Love Languages quiz at 5LoveLanguages.com/profile. This is a quick way to gain easy insight into what “language” you and your spouse speak.
Also, check out 52 Uncommon Dates: A Couple’s Adventure Guide for Praying, Playing, and Staying Together by Randy Southern.