The nighttime routine was in full-swing at the Greenlee house, with kids freshly bathed, teeth brushed and pjs on. We all sat down to enjoy a few minutes of snuggles and bedtime stories before it was time to hit the hay. Each child presented reading requests to me—mounds of books, which they were informed had to be limited to just three choices. The kids deliberated, placed a set of new Berenstain Bear books in my lap, and we began to delve in.
Halfway through the second book, I began to notice a trend. Papa Bear was nothing more than a bumbling idiot in need of more moral conviction and manner correction than his own two children (and whom Mama Bear was all too quick to reference as a negative in-house example for Brother and Sister Bear). I finished reading the last book, but my 7-year-old articulated his thoughts, which happened to sum up my own quite nicely: “It’s pretty funny how Papa Bear always messes things up, but I’m sure glad Daddy isn’t like him!” Yes, indeed!
One of this generation’s greatest travesties is the constant belittling our culture hurls at the very people who have one of the most influential roles in a child’s life: fathers. We see it played out time and time again throughout movies and TV shows, advertisements, books and even greeting cards. Whether implied or intentional, dads often are made out to be the laughingstock of the show: thick-headed, half-witted and, more often than not, completely out of touch. In contrast, social science repeatedly confirms that the presence of an involved father figure is anything but laughable.
Researchers have studied much on the importance of mothers to their children, but only within the last century has much ground been made in discovering the unique role a father plays in healthy child development. "Fatherhood turns out to be a complex and unique phenomenon with huge consequences for the emotional and intellectual growth of children," cites Psychology Today. Child psychology expert Erik Erikson asserts that mothers and fathers love their children in equally essential yet qualitatively different ways, making the role of active fathering just as important in a child’s life as that of his mother: “Fathers love more dangerously because their love is more expectant, more instrumental than a mother's love.”
In his article “The Involved Father,” Glenn Stanton, director of Global Family Formation Studies and research fellow at the Institute of Family & Marriage, writes, “A father brings unique contributions to the job of parenting a child that no one else can replicate.” In short, being an engaged father matters deeply.
Sadly, many reasons can lead to a child’s separation from his father. William Scott of Parents as Teachers recommends that a mother seek out male mentorship within her extended family, workplace or church, should this be the case. “Positive male figures can serve as role models and mentors for a child,” he says. “And although a father involved early on is often considered best practice, it’s never too late for fathers to reconnect and engage with their children.”
Six Reasons Why Dads Are Awesome
● Dads Build Self-Confidence
Head to any playground and observe. Which parent is encouraging kids to run faster, climb higher or throw the ball farther? Who’s advising the children to be more cautious? Typically, dads encourage children to test their limits, whereas mothers desire to protect. Either parenting style alone can be unhealthy, but together, they encourage children to consider the consequences of risk while simultaneously seeking to expand their experiences.
● Dads Play Rough
Dads who roughhouse, tickle, wrestle and play chase are helping their children test boundaries within a safe environment, which plays an important role in figuring out the complicated world around them. Kids learn that kicking, biting and hitting are unacceptable while developing self-control when told that it’s time to settle down. Both girls and boys alike benefit from physical activity with their dads. "A father who plays with his daughter—shooting hoops, kicking a ball around, taking walks together—is making a payment on an insurance policy that she'll grow up to be confident and strong," says Joe Kelly, director of the non-profit organization Dads & Daughters.
● Dads Communicate Differently
Dads approach conversations with their kids differently than moms. A mother will simplify her speech to accommodate her child, whereas dads are less inclined to adapt their conversations to a child’s level—all while asking more questions—which prompts children to expand their vocabulary while improving their speaking skills.
● Dads Discipline Differently
Dads tend to approach discipline as an act of justice, duty and fairness (focus on rules), whereas moms will stress the importance of kindness, sympathy and concern for others (focus on relationships). Fathers tend to stress the importance of right and wrong, while mothers stress the value of grace. One without the other is lacking, though both disciplinary approaches together create a healthy, balanced view.
● Dads Make the Grade
Involved dads provide financially for their children, and children who are provided for feel valued, cared for, and tend to do better in school. Dads who partake in activities with their children are linked not only to higher academic performance, but also children who are less likely to be incarcerated, turn to substance abuse or be sexually active in their teen years.
● Dads Set an Example
Dads teach boys what it means to be a man and set the standard for what a daughter should seek in a future husband.
Lauren Greenlee has been a daddy’s girl since birth. It was the sound of her father’s voice that calmed her first cries after delivery, and it’s his voice of reason that gives her assurance and insight today as an adult. She lives in Olathe with her husband and three sons.