Kids are learning to regulate their tiny bodies, and their brains just get overwhelmed sometimes. I’m a firm believer in the saying “There are no bad kids, only bad days.” Chances are, your kiddo will have a rough time one of these days and need some redirection. There’s no need for over-the-top discipline or punishing. A little guidance and a lot of nurturing goes a long way.
I get it, though—some days you wish you could just drink all the wine and send your kids to their rooms to watch Disney+ while you tune everyone out to meditate. Since that’s not an option, here are eight clever consequences to keep your tiny humans on track, while also letting them know certain actions are off limits and have consequences.
1. Draw it out.
Let’s say your child is having a meltdown. He probably needs time to cool down, but a time-out isn’t cutting it. Have him take a break, except frame it this way: Let’s take a minute to draw a picture about our feelings. Let him take all his frustration out on a drawing or painting. When he’s done, let playtime resume.
2. Time-in
Instead of a time-out (because, let’s face it, those don’t always work), try a time-in. Create a designated spot—maybe a tepee tent or spot in the living room with your yoga mat—where she must complete a task. Make it a puzzle, coloring a picture or tracing the alphabet. This allows her to divert her energies elsewhere.
3. Earn points with chores
Allow him to earn points by doing certain chores. For example, watering plants could earn him 10 points. The prize for dusting shelves or doing the dishes could be 25 points. Once he reaches the desired total points, he can earn back a privilege or a toy, for example. This option is more appropriate for older kids, of course.
4. Cooldown time
If your child is having a meltdown, losing her temper or particularly frustrated, ask her to take a walk, join her for a run or have her walk the dog. This allows both of you to calm down and remain in a healthy headspace.
5. Set a timer
If your kiddo is having trouble regulating his emotions and can’t calm down, set a timer for 1 or 2 minutes. Tell him you’re going to stop playing for a few minutes and take deep breaths together until the timer goes off. Even if he’s frustrated, this still allows him to pause, and taking even one or two deep breaths will give him a chance to reset.
6. Write a letter
If your kids are fighting, let them know it’s okay for them to disagree sometimes. Maybe harsh words are exchanged, or, let’s say, one sister calls the other a “meanie head.” If they’re old enough to write, have them write a letter of appreciation to each other. This lets them know even if they don’t agree, it’s not okay to call each other names and to acknowledge what each likes about the other.
7. Step away from the fun
If you’re playing outside and your kiddo starts to get rough (throws a rock, tries to hit a friend, etc.) simply remove the offender from the fun. If he understands, explain, “We can’t be rough with our friends. Let’s take a break.” Take a walk around the block or find a spot to sit for a couple minutes. This removes him from the activity where he showed the undesirable behavior, then lets him know it’s okay to come back as long as he plays safely and appropriately.
Emily Morrison is a freelance writer, former copy editor, full-time mommy and Disney fanatic who lives in Independence with her husband, son, daughter and dog.