“That nest will be empty before we know it, and I know I need to enjoy this time before it’s gone.”
We are in the busy middle stage of parenthood where our lives are consumed by our kids’ activities. Don’t get me wrong—we signed them up for these activities, but this train has started traveling fast! When I see the posts in moms groups asking what activities to sign their 18-month-olds up for, I want to shake the parents and tell them to wait. Their time will come!
We have three kids, and our family does prioritize team sports and music to add to their overall education, to keep them active and to help them socialize. Early in my parenting journey, I understood that having three kids under 5 years old would be busy when they were little and would be a lot when they were all headed to college, but I didn’t foresee the business of life in the middle. This is where they have what seem like a zillion practices every week. It can be a lot to juggle.
Each family is different, and I always think it’s interesting to sneak a peek into another family’s life to take and leave habits and patterns that may work for our family. So, here’s a sneak peek into our family for you to pick and choose from. My husband and I wanted our children to be able to read music, so our family rule became that all our children would begin piano lessons at 5 years old and continue lessons until they were 10 years old. Then they would be able to choose whether they wanted to continue or not. Our oldest continued until she was nearly 14, our middle decided to be done at 10, and our youngest has a year left before he decides. We were fortunate to find amazing teachers for them, and for a while, I was at piano lessons for an hour-and-a-half every Tuesday while they rotated in and out.
We also wanted our kids to be active and learn how to play sports. The family rule then became each child can choose one sport per season, which means we had three kids in piano plus three kids in one sport each week. This was fairly doable when they were younger because they all started playing in rec leagues with one practice per week and one game per week. What a fabulous way for them to try a variety of sports to see what they liked best! They have done soccer, t-ball, volleyball, basketball, flag football, softball and baseball. Two of my kids have also participated in summer swim team.
These teams are low-risk because the time commitment is minimal: once-a-week practice for an hour plus an hour-long game on the weekends, and the season lasts only eight weeks or so. The cost is also affordable, and sometimes some of the gear can be borrowed or rented. These basic leagues are great for kids to learn some new skills, how to play a new sport and how to be on a team. Participation also allows them to make new friends they may come across later down the road.
If your family isn’t ready to commit to a specific sport yet, check out a local rec center. Ours offers a multisport class where kids can try out a variety of different sports to see which they like the best. Camps are another great way to try something for a shorter time period, whether it’s a few days of summer or school break camp. Another way to ease into sports life with kids is to borrow equipment either from the facility or a friend or find used equipment on a social media marketplace or free sites. Then when you find an activity your child would like to participate in, start to include it in your family budget. Costs include registration fees, gear they including footwear and team snacks for designated games. As they continue to participate, costs will go up and include better equipment, travel, gas to drive them to more practices and so on. To help keep costs down, try to time giving equipment as holiday or birthday gifts to your kids, or ask grandparents to gift a season of the activity or needed equipment—we know they’re always looking for ideas. Also explain the activity’s overall cost in money and time to your kids to make sure they value the activity enough to warrant the time and expense.
The intensity of travel in sports has grown far greater than when I was a rural Iowa kid in the 1900s. This is a big factor in time and cost, and in our family, my husband travels a lot for his job, making things even trickier. That leaves one parent and one vehicle to run all the kids to all the things. I though it was a lot to start travel baseball with our middle son this year, and now his older sister is looking at joining club volleyball. Exploring the travel expectations for different clubs, teams and organizations can help your family evaluate whether it’s even a possibility for your family to consider.
What you’re looking to get out of a team is also important to discuss. Your kid may just want to have fun and play and have no concern about a high level of competition. If that’s the case, by all means, stay in the rec leagues and enjoy the experience without having to invest significant dollars and hours each week. If your budding athlete is out to win and wants other players at her same level, then she may want a more competitive league. If your son is seriously hoping to play in high school or even college, then it seems right to get on the fast train to travel ball to collect as much playing time as possible and win some tournaments.
If you are considering a competitive team, discuss how your family will handle the travel. Will your whole family go to each destination? Will one parent take the participating child? Can you make a family vacation around the tournament? Does your job have the flexibility to work around your child’s activity or will you need logistical help? Are you up for flying to tournaments, or would you rather stay local so you can drive?
Fairness among your children can be challenging too. If you let one kid join a more competitive team, that means more practices and games and tournaments that can eat up your entire weekend for months on end. Your dedication to the sport as a parent must be there as well. Just this week, our son’s baseball tournament overtook our wedding anniversary because they kept winning, which was fun, but we did have to pivot our plans. If you let one kid do more, are you willing to let the other kids do the same? Then there’s also the issue of fairness over cost as well. Are you spending equally on your children, or does that even matter?
Besides fairness between siblings, there’s also the task of keeping siblings entertained during all of their siblings’ practices and games. I’m always thankful for a great park where my other kids can go play during their sibling’s practice or game. Of course, team activities offer bonus points: built-in friends from the siblings of other players on the same team! Making friends with team families can help with carpooling if you can’t make it to everything too. Luckily for us, our baseball family has a ton of siblings that usually hang out together. My daughter likes to play volleyball with her friends during her brother’s game, and the little brother has brought his scooter for the skate park and has even gotten lucky enough to fish at a pond during a tournament. Fun snacks always help everyone feel special too!
Family dinners may be hit or miss during this season of life. The funny memes saying we can have family dinners at either 4:30 or 9:00 are shockingly true many nights, and I think we have done both. Generally, though, I try to pack a dinner to bring with us.
If this seems a lot, my best advice is to ask friends who are currently involved in an activity you’re considering or join some sports mom groups online to get advice from the experts. We keep learning as we go but are usually more than happy to guide you—we all remember how overwhelming it can be.
When it comes time to register, be prepared. You’ll want to know what the options are and how you can make your whole family’s schedule align. Where we live, registering can be a total nightmare—up at the crack of dawn to try to get on a team before it fills within the first two minutes of sign-ups’ going live. And you have to snag a practice time that doesn’t interfere with another kid’s practice so you can get everyone where they need to be throughout the week. Sometimes it’s nice to have all practices on the same night or within the same couple of days, so you have some days off from everything. On the other hand, it’s also nice to have just one kid needing to get one place each day too. You’ll have to figure out what works best for your family.
It varies each season for us. We have had some very full seasons and then some seasons off where we don’t know what to do with ourselves. In the end, even though we’ve had summer Saturdays with seven games and events for our kids running from 6:30 in the morning to 7:30 in the evening, it’s just fun. It’s a great joy to see them learn new things, do what they enjoy and have fun. This nest will be empty before we know it, and I know I need to enjoy this time before it’s gone.
Stephanie Loux is the mother of Layla, 14, Mason, 12, and Slade, 9, and keeps busy taxiing them around to all their activities and is so proud to watch them play.