Getting your kids to listen the FIRST time is easier said than done. Whether you are parenting a 2-year-old with a temper tantrum or a sullen teenager, trying to get a child to listen to instructions can be difficult.
Staying calm is crucial. In the heat of the moment, it can be easy to snap and yell, “I’ve already told you five times to pick up your shoes!” Lori Jacobsen, mother of two and a teacher from Kearney, says, “Remain calm. Getting frustrated and angry only makes the situation worse.” Take a deep breath, walk out of the room for a minute, count to 10 (I do this a lot!) and, once you’ve regained your composure, it will be easier to talk to your kids.
In addition to staying calm, as adults, we must remember that we are much taller than our little ones. They might not be ignoring us on purpose; it may be difficult for them to hear us. “I have tried before to remember that oftentimes situations are much more exciting or new to them and therefore they are less likely to want to pay close attention to me,” Jennifer Richey, mother of two boys from Kansas City, says. “I try and make sure that I get eye contact before I give them an instruction just to try and make sure that they are paying attention to me and to minimize distractions.”
Kids are never going to listen to you if consequences aren’t involved. If you tell them to clean their room and they never do, enact some consequences. Don’t just clean the room for them. “I only give directions once, and then the natural consequence ensues,” Jacobsen says. “Clean your room. If it’s not done, privileges are taken away.” Not holding children accountable will teach them they can get away with things.
Sometimes making a game out of the chore or direction is all it takes to motivate a small child to accomplish a task. “For chores/activities that will only take a minute, such as running upstairs to get her boots before we go outside or picking up toys at a friend's house before we leave, usually issuing a short challenge to her speed in accomplishing these activities works well,” Milissa Leimkuehler, Liberty mother of two girls, says. “For instance, I will tell her I bet she can't go upstairs and get her boots on and be back down in under a minute. I start counting, and Kali happily rushes herself upstairs and is back down in no time. I cheerily applaud her quickness in accomplishing these tasks.” This might not work every time but is definitely something handy to have in the bag of parenting tricks.
Mornings can be difficult at any house, as many families can attest. No one wants to start the day yelling five times at her child to brush his/her teeth. Doing as much as you can the night before can help lead to a more pleasant morning. “Kali is not a morning person, and getting her ready for school in the morning can be a challenge. I have her pick out her clothes the night before and try to make sure her backpack and nap mat are all set the evening before, as well,” Leimkuehler says.
For older kids, Jacobsen says, “It has to be something that you set up with your kids ahead of time.” You can’t expect your child to listen the first time every time without some direct instruction and help from you so they understand what it is you want.
“You can tell them, ‘I've noticed that you aren't following my directions the first time and that concerns me, so we're going to start working on that.’ If you've been giving directions 5 times before being followed, first cut it down to 4, then 3, then 2, then 1...taking a week or so until that number is mastered before moving further down,” Jacobsen says. This allows the child some time to learn the skill of listening and sets them up to succeed over the long haul.
“The goal really is to make our children independently responsible for their own things and for following directions,” Jacobsen says. “It takes time and parenting…imagine that.”
Jennifer Higgins is a freelance writer, mother and teacher from Kearney.