So many times kids—including my own—are mostly great until the minute a parent walks into the room. Then things hit the fan. My kids may be still and quiet for a sitter, but the minute I get home, they start screaming and running all over. All parents are familiar with the scenario of picking up kids from a friend’s, entering with a pleading, “I hope they were good for you!” The reply? “They were great!” Of course they were
Child behavior perplexes. Everyone has an opinion, right? Children are different, so naturally they will respond to things in distinct ways. Some are easily disciplined, and others will push you to your limits any chance they get. Parents have their own parenting styles as well. Mix those variables together, and you have yourself a melting pot of behavior modification. Add to the mix the fact that each stage of life with kids comes with new challenges. How do families sort through this soup?
After consulting multiple parents with kids of various ages, here are commonalities I found:
Consistency is key. No matter what stage your kids are in, from infancy to adolescence, consistency plays a big role in everything. Whether they’re rolling over, walking, talking—or talking back—kids need to know you will follow through on discipline should they step over the line or have a breakdown in a store.
Something else we parents have to watch is the example we set. Have you ever noticed kids do as they see, good or bad? They say the things we say and copy what we do. The more you practice the behaviors you want your children to model, the more you’ll see your kids following the pattern.
Set expectations. Whether your family is running errands, attending an event or engaging in another activity, let kids know what’s planned. Depending on their age, have a pre-event discussion about what you and they expect to happen. Remember to let them know what the consequences will be if they choose to disregard your expectations. It doesn’t always have to be a long discussion—they may come to need just a quick reminder.
Give them food and sleep. I’ve seen kids have all sorts of breakdowns over sleep and food. Grown-ups get cranky when we’re tired or hungry, but we generally can contain ourselves. Kids haven’t always mastered that skill. If they’re worn out or running on empty tummies, they may act out.
Provide downtime. Ever been in a horrible mood and just needed a couple hours or so? This happens to every single person in my family—young or old, extrovert or introvert. We all need to refresh with downtime. Keeping kids busy certainly can be a good thing. We all need positive stimulation, but overscheduled kids might act out against overload.
Strike a positive note. If you have a rough morning, remember that kids love to feed off that. I have first-hand experience with kids misbehaving because of my own bad mood or frustration. It doesn’t take much, and it doesn’t matter where you are. Breathe deeply, square your shoulders and take on the day with a hopeful and pleasant attitude. The kids will absorb some of your sunshine.
Let them grow. The older kids get, the more independence they want. Even when they reach the ripe old age of 4. Give them age-appropriate opportunities to exercise autonomy. I remember when we were kids, we worked hard to prove to our parents we could handle more responsibility for ourselves. The more we proved we could handle on our own, the more we got.
Obviously, parents know their own kids best, and no one parenting approach will fit every family. Raising kids is not for the faint of heart, and everyone does things they promised they would never do. Get creative with behavior redirection, set clear expectations, then do your best to set your kids up for success.
Lauren Dreher lives in Stilwell with her husband and two toddlers.