Ask any parents what their deepest hopes and dreams are for their children, and they are likely to respond that deep down, they just want their children to be happy and well-adjusted. But what exactly makes for a happy childhood?
It turns out the secret lies in two simple words: growth mindset.
What is growth mindset? Originally coined by educational psychologist Carol Dweck, Ph.D., in her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, growth mindset is simply the belief that our brains have the capacity to grow, learn and improve in all circumstances, especially when faced with challenges. According to this school of thought, no one is limited to the talents, skills or intelligence they were born with; rather, they have the capacity to expand in all areas. But perhaps a more effective definition of growth mindset is to explain what it isn’t: a fixed mindset. People with a fixed mindset are of the belief that they are limited to the hand they are dealt. You’re either smart or you’re not. You’re athletic or you’re not. You’re socially intelligent or not. Not surprisingly, children taught to have a growth mindset are found to be happier, healthier and have greater success in all spheres in life. Here are some ways you can instill a growth mindset in your children.
Praise the effort
This is not about participation trophies and rewarding mediocrity. When kids learn that it’s safe to try new things and that failure isn’t fatal, they’re more willing to get back in the saddle and try again. Unknowingly, many parents teach that the end result is more important than the process when they say things like, “You’re so smart!” or “You were the best actor on that stage!” A healthier alternative praise says something to the effect of, “You are such a hard worker,” or “I’m proud of how you didn’t give up but stuck with it to the end.” It’s important to note that when parents praise the process with 1- to 3-year-olds, children are more likely to have personally taken on a growth mindset within the following five years.
Lead by example
More is always caught than taught. Are you teaching a growth mindset by personal example? Are you willing to learn from mistakes? How do you handle challenges? Our example speaks loudly to our children. This doesn’t mean we have to be perfect (anything but!). Be open and honest about mistakes you’ve made in the past and what you’ve learned from them. Trying your hand at a new skill like dancing, cooking or martial arts shows that learning is fun, and no one is ever too old to try something new. Showcasing a positive attitude toward the learning process—like searching YouTube for tutorials or reading instructions for the umpteenth time as you tackle that complicated Scandinavian bookshelf that came in a hundred little pieces—helps model that it’s worth persevering when things are hard. When kids see that Mom and Dad are able to bounce back when things don’t go right the first time, they’re more likely to respond the same way when they are met with challenges.
Learn new vocabulary
It’s time to get nerdy and learn the words behind the science. Terms like neuroplasticity, neurons, mindset, malleability and constructive feedback are helpful tools that unpack how our brains are truly amazing and pliable. Kids armed with knowledge of how their brains work are able to confidently communicate the ways in which they’re trying to grow. One of the most powerful words in the growth mindset vernacular is the word yet. Added to a true statement of frustration, it infuses hope that outcomes are not set.
I haven’t made a single basket this basketball season … yet.
I can’t ride my bike without training wheels … yet.
I haven’t been able to complete all the problems on a speed drill in time … yet.
Yet reminds children that they’re a work in progress and that they have time to make goals and work toward them.
Embrace new experiences together
Taking risks and having family adventures not only builds memories and bonds, but it also gives kids confidence to do the same on their own as they are able. Train for a 5K together, hike a 14er on a vacation or bust out a 1,000-piece puzzle over the holidays. Remind your kids that they can do hard things and that when they try, they’re actually building connections in their brains. And that’s work for a cause! Kids often have their own thoughts on new adventures and experiences they’d like to participate in, so be open to hearing what new hobbies or vacation destinations speak to them, too!
Learn from others
Nothing is more inspirational than watching people rise above insurmountable odds. Check out these family-friendly films that have growth mindset as key themes:
Akeelah and the Bee
Annie
Babe
The Secret Garden
Brave
The Blind Side
Finding Nemo
Fly Away Home
Up
Homeward Bound
Hugo
Iron Will
The Karate Kid
October Sky
Queen of Katwe
Radio
Remember the Titans
Rudy
Secondhand Lions
Wonder
Books
Books on growth mindset are helpful both in the classroom and at home and include both stories and nonfiction work. Check out these helpful resources:
- Mindset Book Series by Esther Pia Cordova.
- Can’t Do That, YET: Growth Mindset
- World Without Failures
- Bears Can Do BIG Things
- Thoughts Matter
- I Can Do Hard Things: Mindful Affirmations for Kids by Gabi Garcia.
- Pelican and Pelican’t by Sarah Froeber.
- Mistakes Are How I Learn by Kiara Wilson.
A few caveats
Growth mindset is more art than science. It can’t be mastered instantly or on a child’s behalf. There isn’t a script that substitutes active problem solving. Praising a child for working really hard when they didn’t holds no value. Likewise, plowing down problems so a child doesn’t have to struggle sidesteps their opportunity to develop growth mindset for themselves. A little struggle is a good thing. But note that anything in extremes can be unhealthy. Perfectionistic and high-achieving children may actually need limits to how much struggle and hard work is acceptable. Growth mindset can unintentionally produce grind culture in high-ranking academic institutions or elite sports clubs. Don’t conflate growth mindset with toxic positivity. Not all things are possible, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth trying.
Lauren Greenlee has been fascinated with growth mindset ever since she first heard Angela Duckworth’s Ted Talk on the matter back in 2013. A boymom of four, she freelance writes from her Olathe home.