Becoming a parent is such a special time in your life. You’ve been anxiously awaiting your new arrival, and when the time finally comes, you are bursting at the seams with joy. Now is the time to do everything you can to bond with your child.
Bonding is when a parent and child feel attachment to each other and develop feelings of unconditional love. The quality of bonding is a powerful predictor of a child’s later social and emotional outcome. Bonding with your child creates a sense of security for him, boosts his self-esteem, affects his social relationships and impacts cognitive development. It also fosters hormones and chemicals in the brain that help Baby’s brain to grow and make connections between brain cells.
Bonding does not always happen immediately for parents. It can be a process, but there are many ways to help you bond with your baby from the newborn stage and into the first year.
Newborn to 3 Months:
One of the first things you can do to bond with your baby is skin-to-skin contact, also known as “kangaroo care.” Experts recommend this take place immediately after a child is born for the first hour after birth or until after the first feeding. The parent holds the naked baby against the parent’s bare chest while under a warm blanket. Skin-to-skin contact has many benefits. It’s known to relax both the baby and mother, regulate body temperature, stimulate the release of hormones for breastfeeding and regulate the baby’s heart rate and breathing. I found skin-to-skin contact to be extremely powerful in assisting with bonding with both of my children. Fathers can also participate in skin-to-skin contact for bonding.
Feeding is another special time to bond with your baby. Whether you breastfeed or bottle feed, responding to Baby’s hunger helps build her trust in you. Tending to her other needs, such as cries or dirty diapers, creates an attachment to you. You can also use this time for focusing on eye contact, singing to your child or cradling and rocking her. Other ways to strengthen the connection with your newborn include consistent cuddling, singing lullabies or giving an infant massage. If you’re interested in infant massage, try out an infant massage class with your local Parents as Teachers. They will teach you the proper ways to massage your child.
Babywearing is also a great technique for developing an attachment to your child. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, wearing your baby helps prevent crying, encourages attachment and closeness, and promotes your child’s development. There are many baby carriers, slings and wraps that allow you to keep your baby close to you, even when you’re doing chores around the house or out and about. Try out several to see what works best for you and your little one. Overall, the most important thing is that you’re stopping to spend one-on-one time with your child.
Remember, bonding is not always immediate. Many parents need time to create that special bond with their child. However, postnatal depression could also interfere with bonding. If you think you could be experiencing postnatal depression, reach out to your doctor.
4 to 8 Months
As your baby continues to grow and develop, he will soon begin learning how to play and explore his surroundings. The best way to bond with him is to join in the fun and play and explore with him! This is the perfect time to talk to your baby, sing silly songs, read books and play peekaboo, pat-a-cake or other silly games with him. Responding to your baby’s noises, movements, coos and giggles will help form a bond. You can also give him a toy to interact with. As he plays, interact with him and give him encouragement to continue learning about his environment through play.
As in the newborn stage, snuggling and eye contact are important to the bonding process. You can also continue babywearing to stay close to your child as you’re moving. This closeness to you will bring your baby comfort and relaxation.
Consistent routines are also important to the bonding process. Children will pick up your cues and learn to expect what is coming next. My husband and I gave our children soothing bedtime routines that included baths, a nighttime story and rocking them to sleep every night. We alternated who did what each night, so we both got special bonding time. Looking back now, those moments are some of my favorite memories with them during the infant stage.
9 to 12 Months
Around the 9-month mark, your baby will have the ability to remember you even when she can’t see you. This often leads to separation anxiety. This stage can leave babies and their parents in tears at daycare drop-offs. Consistency is key in this phase. Your baby needs to trust that you will always come back. If you have a consistent pattern, and she knows you will be back and her needs are being met while you’re away, she will become less anxious about being away from you. However, inconsistent cues can lead to worse separation anxiety and have a negative effect on bonding.
Other ways to bond with babies in this stage include comforting them when they’re in distress, responding to their sounds, physical touch like snuggling or massaging, giving them a bath or reading a story before bed, talking to them, singing and playing with them.
The Spoiling Myth
You may have heard the saying, “You’re going to spoil that baby if you keep holding them all the time.” Contrary to once-popular beliefs, responding quickly to your baby’s needs or spending extra time cuddling will not spoil your child. Instead, your responsiveness will build trust, security and strengthen the bond you have with your child.
Regan Lyons is a girl mom and freelance writer. She lives with her husband, Cale, and daughters, Atley, 10, and Ensley, 4, in St. Joseph.