School has started back up and routines are the norm, once again. While everyone loves the lazy, laid back summer lifestyle, there is definitely something to be said for the return of the school year. The kids get to reconnect with old friends, make new friends and re-engage their brains, learning new and challenging things.
A new school year is certainly fun and exciting. You have watched your child tackle and master many things during past school years. . .the alphabet, reading and multiplication just to name a few! Your children have also learned about friendship and in some cases, hardship. If they play sports, they probably have learned about being part of a team, and what it means to help out the entire group. As they continue to grow, children face many more important lessons to learn. One such lesson is how to deal with peer pressure.
Peer pressure can be either negative or positive and often becomes an issue around the middle school years. Why then? Around this age, children begin to be less dependent on their parents, but they haven’t acquired the skills or confidence to be fully independent. Therefore, a lot of kids this age look for support outside of the family, during this transition stage.
Although peer pressure is often spoken of in the negative, as when it relates to a boy or girl falling in with a group of kids who practice at-risk behaviors, the opposite is true, too. Positive peer pressure can motivate pre-teens to excel in academics and athletics as well as anything else a child might decide to undertake. Remember, children choose which type of peer pressure they will live with based upon the choices they make in friends.
Ramona Moore, MS, LPC, guidance counselor at Sunny Vale Middle School in Blue Springs, has 27 years’ experience in education, the past 15 working directly with middle school children. She offers the following to parents as ideas for helping your child resist negative peer pressure:
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Get to know your child’s friends and their parents.
“If you don’t know who your children are befriending, find out. Invite those friends over to your home to meet them and be around them.” Moore also recommends phoning the parents of your child’s friends to introduce yourself and have a chance to get to know them better, too. -
Provide the place to hang out.
“Make your home the comfortable, safe place to come to, and one that provides supervision. Many things happen when a parent is ‘in the home.’ You’ve got to provide supervision, not just be home.” Ideas for turning your home into a teen/pre-teen haven abound. How about a pool table or pin ball machine? Basketball goals and footballs are fun too, and don’t forget the snacks! -
Let your child know what your expectations are.
“Set high standards for your child and let him or her know exactly what you expect. Tell them that you expect good grades from them,” Moore suggests. -
Provide character building opportunities for your child outside of the school environment.
“Giving kids the opportunity to be involved in church youth group, scouts or community sports where character is emphasized can really reaffirm what you are teaching at home,” Moore says. “These settings can provide healthy, positive environments for character building.” -
Put an emphasis on relationships.
“As much as possible, encourage relationships between your child and relatives across the generations.” -
Give your child a chance to be responsible.
“Giving pre-teen age children chores to do like folding clothes and meal preparation gives them a sense of belonging and can serve to build their self esteem.”
Moore cautions parents about the piece technology plays in a child’s life now that people are connected 24/7. “Technology has changed the face of their (the children’s) social life,” she says. “With things like Facebook and MySpace, cell phones and texting, peers are more in their faces than ever before.” She encourages parents not to back down in the face of current technology. Instead, she suggests that parents jump in and learn how to text or get their own facebook account, too, so that they can know what their children are doing and who their friends are.
A final reminder: “Sometimes, it seems when children get to the pre-teen and teen years, parents realize friendships are becoming much more important to their children than they have been in the past, and they allow those friendships and peer groups to overshadow the family. Don’t allow peer groups to supersede the family influence.” Keep family a priority, whether it is eating dinner--or even breakfast--together, playing games as a family or spending time together on the weekends. Whatever it is that your family does to connect, keep that connection strong as your children continue through their teen years.
Sandy Brooks is a mom, wife and freelance writer who makes her home in Lee’s Summit.